


Mess is Mine

by awesomealto



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:07:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7110583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomealto/pseuds/awesomealto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven POV that takes place after 2x01 and is cannon compatible until end of Season 3. Raven has taken up journaling (at Abby's request/demand) in order to come to terms with with her leg injury and everything else on the ground. As evens unfold she finds herself going closer with a certain delinquent chemist. Title inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8A_Kyk0PcY (contains spoilers)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Abby has suggested that for my healing process I start keeping a journal…Suggested is the wrong word; unless I write in this little dumb book everyday Abby won’t give me working clearance so here we are. I’m writing in this book in order to coop with the nerve damage in my leg. At least that’s what I’m supposed to be doing.  
Abby said I should focus on how I feel and after what happened at the drop ship, my leg being injured, and all the other bullshit I’ve dealt with on the ground. I feel pissed. But I’m not going to wallow in it. Feelings like that just drag you down. How will writing down my feelings heal my leg or improve life on the ground? The answer is it won’t. All it will do is take time away from me working with Sinclare and then life getting somewhat back to normal. But I can’t do that if Abby won’t give me medial clearance so here we are. The current plan is to write/make it look like I’m writing until Abby is satisfied….  
So journal, to please our all knowing doctor I guess I’ll give you a brief run down on the past few months. I was born on a space station called the Ark. Earth was wiped out a couple hundred years ago due to nuclear bombs; the lucky ones made it to space. At least that’s what the leaders of the Ark told us. Fast-forward a few generations; the Ark is running out of air and it wasn’t known if the ground was survivable or not. So the leaders of the Ark thought that sending 100 delinquents to the ground to see if they could survive was a good idea. That’s how most of my friends ended up down here. I came down on my own (on a mission from Abby but right now she is not my favorite person so I’d rather not focus on that part) and now the entire Ark has made it to the ground. During the decent the different stations got separated so while the whole station made it to the ground we still do not know where all of our people are. Not that it would make that big of a difference to me; I am alone. I used to have Finn but now…he has Clarke and I have my work. I would say that I have my friends but 48 of the original 100 have disappeared.  
Before our “leaders” made it to the ground I was shot in the leg. Now the bullet has moved towards my spine and has caused some nerve damage. Abby thinks that if we remove the bullet I won’t make it through the surgery. But if the bullet stays in, I won’t be able to walk. She is under the impression that if I write down my thoughts and feelings then I won’t make a hasty decision. Thinks that writing out the pros and cons will help me process. Finn agrees with her. He doesn’t want me to go into surgery if there is even the slightest chance I won’t make it out alive; he thinks I should think about this more. But there is nothing to think about. While I was on the Ark working in Zero-G I didn’t need my legs, but down here I do; the bullet is coming out.  
I told both Finn and Abby that the bullet is coming out so now I have to sit and wait as they prep the Camp’s makeshift medical center for surgery. I won’t have any drugs to knock me out and will feel everything. While that sounds like hell I now that if I get through this then I’ll be able to survive the ground. 

Surgery was awful but I survived. Finn held my hand through the whole thing and even though I was under the knife I felt save for the first time since coming to the ground. Growing up Finn was all I had. He understood me. He had sacrificed everything to see my dream of being a zero-G mechanic come true. Whenever I needed him he was there but ever since coming down from the Ark things between us haven’t been easy. He has fallen in love with Clarke, Abby’s daughter. I mean what’s not to love? She’s artistic and smart and sensitive and people listen to her. She’s the princess. What guy wouldn’t want to end up with the princess? While I hate to think this way I think the only reason Finn was here during my surgery is because Clarke is missing. If she were at camp I would either be on my own or would have both Finn and Clarke watching over me. I’m grateful that the latter did not happen. I don’t dislike Clarke but I couldn’t take seeing her and the only person I’ve had care about me look over my like I was a fragile broken thing. I’d rather be alone than viewed as broken. That’s part of the reason I told Finn to leave.  
After I woke up from the surgery (I passed out at some point due to pain) Abby tested my legs to see if there was any nerve damage. My right leg was fine, I can feel everything from hip to toes but my left leg…I don’t have any feeling in it past my upper thigh. Even after all of that I am crippled. Finn tried to help but listening to him yell at Abby to test my leg again only made me feel worse. I couldn’t take coming to grips with him loving another girl over while he tried to help me come to grips with my new, permanent condition. Abby told me to rest then gave Finn and I the room; I told Finn to be gone by the time I woke up. 48 of the people that I had begun to get to know were missing. Monty, Jasper, Miller, Harper and dozens more haven’t been seen since we re-launched the drop ship to save ourselves from the grounders. I think that if the 48 are found and reunited with the rest of us maybe things won’t seem so bleak. I could look around at others’ happy moments and feel happy in return. But right now I feel like pretty low.


	2. Chapter 2

It has been two days since the surgery and I still can’t feel my left leg and I can’t support my weight on it. So much for being able to walk again… Abby and Jackson have given me some exercises I can do in order to retain the muscles but I don’t know if they’ll work. I can’t even do most of them. Still, having something to focus on that isn’t the missing 48 or Finn is nice; I can force myself to focus on the exercises for now but if I don’t get assigned a job in the next day or two I might lose it. I’m starting to feel stir-crazy. I use to feel this way on the Ark growing up. We are all stuck in a metal cage and while it was a big cage there wasn’t anywhere you could go. You’d stay in your station, have one room with you family, and occasionally be invited to Alpha Station for a dance or Unity Day or something. That was one of the biggest draws to going into zero-G: freedom. I would’ve been one of the lucky few that got to get out of the hell hole that was the Ark. Still I’m giving these exercises my all; my all just doesn’t do anything and its so frustrating! I almost wish that I hadn’t made it out of surgery. At least that way I would’ve found some sort of peace. I could-  
“Reyes, there you are.” Sinclair said as he entered the medical tent.  
“Sir.” Please have something for me to do. Please give me a job.  
“Griffin cleared you for work,” finally, “How’s you’re leg?” …shit.  
“I-It’s not a factor. What’s the job?” I hoped my eagerness would help Sinclair see past my leg. He looked at me for a moment and I thought he was about to tell me to focus on healing and he’d find someone else for the job. He didn’t.  
“I need you to build a radio beacon. If the other Ark stations have survivors we need to know it.”  
“I’m on it!” I was relieved to finally have a job. I grabbed my crutches and shrugged Sinclair off as he tried to help me. Even though he’s letting me work again I still feel like he thinks I need time or am broken or…something. But whatever, I have a job to do, a task to focus on. I thanked Sinclair for trusting me with this and made my way to Engineering.  
The gears in my head were already turning; a radio beacon for the other Ark stations. We already have a tower in camp so I’ll just have to fine-tune the radio and-  
“What the hell are you doing in here wrench money?” a helium altered voice forced me back to reality. It’s none other than Kyle Wick, sitting behind a workbench working on wasting welding gas. If arrogance came in human form it would be Wick. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women and that his engineering designs are genius. In actuality he is smug, thinks a bit too highly of himself, and his designs are always a pain in the ass to trouble shoot and make functional.  
“Helium Wick, really? Arc welders aren’t toys.” As much as he bugs me, we have a nice sarcastic banter when we work together so maybe sharing space won’t be all that bad.  
“Oh come on Reyes. You gotta enjoy life.”  
“Well you enjoy it enough for everybody.” I said as I forced a smile. Still, it was nice to have banter in a workshop again. “so, still dreaming up designs the rest of us will have to fix?” I can never pass up the chance to get a dig in at Wick.  
“Hey,” he faked offense, “my designs are elegant.”  
“If only they were realistic.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes at this. “Well, it’s been real but I have a beacon to work on.” While brief interaction with Wick can be fun, prolonged contact isn’t always good for us and I was eager to drive into a project.  
“In that case,” he stands and comes out from behind his workstation, “welcome to my party. The schematics are over here on the bench.” He led me over to the other bench.  
“You already designed it?” Maybe he wasn’t just wasting helium. I have been out of work for a while and he designed a beacon this fast… that’s impressive but I did my best to hide how impressive I found it. He designed it using pieces from the Ark debris, which was the obvious place to start. As I looked at Wick’s design he suddenly became withdrawn. Deciding not to read into it I continues looking over the schematic.  
“Oh, I have a little something for you.” I look up to see Wick holding a leg brace he made for me. I wanted to drive into this job to take my mind off my leg. Now my partner is once again reminding me of how I can’t walk or run or even stand. Another reminder of how broken I am… No. I’m not broken. I am strong.  
“What a piece of crap.” I tossed the plans back on the bench to hide my real frustrations; I had to get away from Wick holding that brace.  
“you’re welcome?” he was pushing…  
“I can get around just fine.” I grit my teeth as I crutch to the other side of the room. While part of me would love to storm out, I know once I leave Engineering it will be impossible to focus on anything other than my leg. I had to drive back into work. “What you need to worry about is countering the mountain effect.” it actually wasn’t, I just wanted to get him to drop the leg/brace issue.  
“That’s your job!” worked like a charm.  
“Damn engineers.” They’re so easy to mess with and predict. Also impossible to work with. I heard Wick mumble “Damn mechanics” as he headed back to his bench. Good. Now we can fall into that wonderful pattern of only talking about work and only when one of use gets stuck on something.  
We spent the whole morning working on our separate pieces in silence. It felt nice to be building and wiring and just soldering again. It felt like I was coming back to myself. By the time Wick left for lunch I had most of the radio built but something in his design felt off. The range of the radio wouldn’t be large enough with the frequency he initially intended.  
“Hey.” I barely glanced up from my work as Wick returned. “I’m changing to the tone frequency to 400 hertz. It will increase the radiated modulation depth.”  
“Atmospheric noise will screw us.” Wick tried to shot down my idea to defend his design but I was ahead of him.  
“So the signal’s fainter. At least they’ll know we’re out here.” I don’t know why he didn’t think of this. The point of the radio beacon is to find the other stations meaning it would also do its job if the other stations found us. Wick didn’t seem to agree. “What’s wrong?”  
“The current is not getting high enough. It would be like us shouting into the wind.”  
“We’ll put an insulator between mast and capacity top hat.”  
“Already tried that. Not working.” Wick was frustrated, running his hands in his hair and over his neck. Finn would do that when we were studying together and he had reached the point in the night where he would pass out at any moment. I would want to quiz each other for another ten minutes and Finn, exhausted and frustrated, would look at me the way Wick is looking at me and stay up. I never noticed that they both have the same tick. I wonder if Wick- no, focus up Reyes.  
“then you’re doing it wrong.” I started to head for the door.  
“Raven-”  
“Don’t worry,” I cut Wick off as I crutch out the door, “I’ll fix it. I always do.”  
I hear Wick call after me “Try my damn brace.” Not a chance Wick. I told Sinclair my leg wasn’t a factor and at the start of the day; I thought it’d be an issue but after working for a solid five hours I’m not going to let my leg ever stop me again. I’m strong and I’ve got this.  
“Come on Raven,” Wick followed me as I made my way to the tower, “elbow grease isn’t gonna fix this.”  
“Ha, what would you know about elbow grease?” Wick didn’t have a comeback. Satisfied with that exchange, I propped my crutches at the base of the radio tower, put my welding mask on but up and began my climb.  
I made it to the first rung no problem. I’m used to working with my arms so relaying on them to pull me up the tower will be nothing. Should be nothing. For not having feeling or moment in my left leg, it sure is heavy. The next two rungs were harder but I grit my teeth and pulled myself up. Each rung got harder and harder but damn it I was going to make it up this damn tower.  
I felt tears start to well up behind my eyes. I was only halfway there and I felt like my arms were going to give out or like I would lose my footing and fall. I thought if I rested for a bit maybe my arms would recover some of their strength. The more I rested the harder it was to keep back the tears. I wasn’t going to let Wick or anyone else in camp to see me cry. Defeated, I slowly made my way back down.  
I hate this. I hate not being able to do my job, hate not being able to have my body work like it should, hate that I’m powerless to help my friends, and I hate that I am crying.  
“Come on,” Wick helped my to the ground and tried to help me with my crutches, “let’s go to the workroom. We’ll think this through.” I wasn’t going to let Wick see me being weak.  
“Leave me alone Wick.” I didn’t need his pity. I’ll figure this whole mess out on my own. I made my way to the workroom. I made sure to keep my head down so no one would notice my tears. I wasn’t crying because I was sad or in pain; I was crying because I’m frustrated. Each time I make process I fell like I’m shoved back to the ground. I just want to be able to stand on solid ground without falling for a whole day, maybe two.  
I allowed myself to be emotional until I got to the workroom. I can finish my meltdown after we build this radio. I will just throw myself behind a workbench and work until my friends are safe. Maybe the other Ark stations found Jasper and Monty and the others. I know they’re out there somewhere. I know that building this beacon will get us once step close to finding them but…  
“You’re bringing my down Reyes.” Once again Wick called me back to reality. I tried to ignore him. “Hey do you know why you’re working on the beacon?” he was pushing again. I can’t do this…  
“I’m not.” I said flatly. “Find someone else.” I made my way to the door.  
“Because I asked for you.” he wasn’t listening. “You’re the best mechanic we got.”  
“Go me. Exactly three mechanics made it to the ground.” I tried to leave faster but these stupid crutches…  
“You were top three on the Ark too.” Wick retorted, clearly following me. “I say this even though you refuse to acknowledge the ingenuity of my designs.” There he goes, once again making it about him. “Stop.” he softly grabbed my arm and turned me back towards him, away from the door. “Listen you have a first rate mind,” I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the tears I felt coming on, “You do. Use it. Your leg’s messed up and that blows. Figure out a way to work around it.” I have been telling myself this since Murphy shot me but I still haven’t found a way to work around it. There was no hiding the tears now…  
“How do I do that?” I asked as I tried to choke back the tears.  
“You could let you’re friends help, for one. The rest is up to you.” I watched Wick return to his station. As my eyes followed him they landed on the brace. Maybe I don’t have to figure this out on my own. Wick clearly wants to help. So does Abby. And I’m sure if the 48 were here a few of them would have my back.  
Suddenly my mind is back at the drop ship camp. I’m checking bullets for gunpowder and Jasper is helping me. Even though he was a little tipsy on Unity Juice he was still a great chemist, made the work go much faster, and was making light conversation. We had just found out the Ark is heading for the ground. He was saying that when his parents get down here we wouldn’t have a shortage of gunpowder.  
“What about you?” He asked softly “You got any family?”  
“Nope. Just Finn.” This was right after I found out about Finn and Clarke. I would feel myself wallowing.  
“Well, we’ve all have each other now, right?” Jasper said with a lazy smile. Something about the ease with which he said this, the way his shaggy hair poked out around his goggles, his willingness to just stand there with me made me feel lighter even though there was a war about to start. We do have each other now. Just because Finn and Clarke are now together does not mean I am on my own. Yes, it still hurts when I think about them, how it all went down, but I’m not alone. We’ve all have each other now, right? Right. I have to get my friends back. And to do that I need my leg.  
With my memory of Jasper still in the back of my head I crutch over to the bench where the brace is. I prop my crutches up and start to slowly put on the brace. I pull each strap tight and think about my missing friends. Monty, Jasper, Harper, Clarke…hell even Miller. We’ve got each other now, right? Once the brace is on I stand up. Amazingly I didn’t need to hold onto anything, I was just able to stand. That alone was enough to get me to feel like there was hope. Now if only I could walk…  
I take a small step. I don’t eat shit. I take another. And another. It was awkward but I could move! I could feel a small smile start to form.  
“What do you know?” I hadn’t realized Wick was watching me. “It holds.”  
I scoff, “Barely!”  
“Oh whatever! My design worked. You can admit it.” Wick was chuckling. I was able to stand and walk which was great but I didn’t like the awkwardness of the brace. It would do for now but I know I want to make my own.  
“Whatever. This things and offense to mechanics everywhere.” I couldn’t help but start to chuckle myself.  
“You’re welcome.” Wick said with a crooked smile and a heliumed voice. I swear if he keeps using that helium I’ll report him to Sinclair. We use the helium in the welders because it’s a light gas and-  
“Helium!” I practically shouted. I’ve got it!  
“Argon” Wick’s still high voice shouts back. “What are we not just tossing out noble gases?”  
“No you idiot.” I could feel myself genuinely smiling, “I know what we have to do to raise the beacon.” Wick immediately caught on and we dove back into work. It felt amazing to finally have a breakthrough, both in work and with my leg. It felt like I was finally back on solid ground again. This breakthrough will help us find more pieces of the Ark and those people will help find my missing friends and we will be together again soon. I think I was finally in a good mood.  
“So the balloon beacon wasn’t a bad idea.” Wick nudged me as we looked up at our work. At the top of the tower was my/our helium filled balloon beacon.  
“I think the word you’re searching for is ‘genius’.” I smile as I nudge him back.  
“You should have been an engineer,” Wick teased, “you already have the arrogance.”  
“So that’s what they teach you… I wondered.” He let the dig slide and let me have my smug moment. I wanted to savor it.  
“well that’s one way to do it.” Sinclair had found his way to us at the base of the tower. He looked impressed which improved my mood more. I respect Sinclair, both as a supervisor and person (he was a badass back in his day) so anytime he approves of my work I feel like everything I put myself though is okay.  
“What the hell are you doing?!” Bryne, a bitchy officer, came running over to us, looking expectantly at Sinclair who had begun to explain.  
“It’s a radio beacon-”  
“wrong it’s a target!” the officer reached for her gun.  
“hey wait a second!” I tried to stop her but I knew it was pointless. She had pulled the trigger before I could even get the words out. The whole camp turned to see the source of the gunshot and to watch our balloon sink back to the ground.  
Sinclair and Wick tried to reason with Bryne but she could care less. Wick and I had just wasted a whole day and we have to start over bright and early tomorrow. I was beginning to feel this sinking, deflating feeling I was growing too familiar with. As I looked at the pieces of our shot down beacon I couldn’t help but smirk at the irony of how I felt verses what had just happened to my beacon. Fuck, when


	3. Chapter 3

Was the feeling of defeat going to become my default expression? Ever since I reached the ground that’s all I seem to feel. Like our beacon, hope would rise up within me only to be shot down again….  
If there is one upside in all of this it’s that I still have a job to do. Is it frustrating to start over again? Hell yes. Now Wick and I will have to revisit each dead end, try to look at each one from a different angle, and butt heads until we build something else. It’s gonna blow but at least it will continue to force my mind to dwell on something other than my leg and missing friends.   
After the scene at the base of the radio tower, Sinclare came to the workroom with Wick and I. The three of us brain stormed new ways to reach the other Ark stations. Quickly we realized our best course of action would be to find a way around the atmospheric haze; solve that problem and the rest will be a cakewalk. Sinclair headed back out to camp and Wick and I took up residence across from each other at the same workbench. We frantically took notes, made several rough schematics on how to filter out the noise, and even started trying to predict where the other pieces of the Ark could be.   
“Well I’m calling it a night.” Wick announced a few hours later. It was dark outside now. I could only see Wick from the harsh lighting the work lamps were giving off. Thinking I didn’t hear him Wick gave a big fake yawn and stretch as he tossed his pen at me. “Come on, Reyes, the breakthrough will come in the morning.”   
“But we’re so close, I can feel it. Something simple is staring us right in the face and-”  
“And it will still be staring at us in the morning.” Wick got up from the bench and headed for the door. “A night of sleep will do the brain some good.” Wick leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Besides, you could use some beauty rest. You look a little rough around the edges buddy.” If I wasn’t so preoccupied I could’ve sworn Wick was flirting with me.   
“You’re one to talk,” I scoffed as I closed my note book, “your beard makes you look like a nark.”  
“Hey, I am just the right amount of scruffy! I-” BANG!  
Outside we heard a gun shot echo through the camp. Whatever flirty banter Wick and I had just started immediately stopped. Another gunshot sounded.  
“Grounders?” I could feel the panic start to seize my body. I barely survived the last Grounder attack and there was no way I would make it through another one.   
“Come on,” Wick quickly helped from get up (my leg had grown stiff from hours of being hunched over our notes) and he started leading me to my room. I could feel my breath becoming quick and shallow. The camp hadn’t seen much Grounder activity since they landed but I am all too familiar with what they can do. Part of me had hope that Alpha station had landed far enough away from Grounder camps that it would’ve taken the Grounders a long time to find us again; I hoped that by that point we would have a strong enough camp in order to survive against them. But now they were here to attack an Ark camp yet again and Wick and I was to blame. Byrne was right. Our beacon was a target. I’m sure Wick was going through a similar thought process as we quickly walked to the living quarters.   
“It looks like things have calmed down out there.” Wick said, relief clear in his voice. “Must’ve finished them off.” We had been waiting in my room for the last half hour or so; Wick looking out at camp from my small room’s window and me on my bed trying not to have an panic attack. We figured if there was a Grounder attack heading our way Byrne would make sure the camp knew it was our fault they were here and the workshop would be the first place she would look. Luckily no one really knows where everyone’s room is yet so we decided to hole up here.   
“Don’t get to relaxed,” I groaned as I took my brace off “they’ll be back and they’ll be pissed.”   
“I don’t think so. It looks like there was just one of them. Abby took her to medical then I guess Byrne will question her.” Wick left his post and joined me on the bed. “That means she might be able to get information on where our people our… I guess our target was a good thing.” He playfully bumped against my shoulder. “Come on, Reyes. Lighten up a bit.” He started rubbing my back. “That beacon didn’t launch a full scale Grounder attack. We’re in the clear.”  
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.   
“Raven? It’s Abby.” Wick got up, unlocked and opened the door but didn’t let her inside.  
“What can we do for you?” There was an edge to Wick’s normally carefree voice. Guess he changed his mind about our being in the clear.  
“I’m here to see Raven.” Abby was calmer than usual; she didn’t address Wick with her normal curtness and the set me even more on edge.  
“What’s going on?” I asked warily as Wick let Abby in.  
“Clarke is back. She’s in medical recovering and she knows where the rest of the 100 are.”   
“When can I see her?” I was already putting on my brace. Yes, I wanted to hear where my friends were but right now I would love to just see one of them make it back. And one has. Clarke is back!  
“She needs to rest Raven.” Abby was trying to block my path to the door.  
“And so do you,” Wick chimed in, “We still have a job to do Reyes.”  
“Then I will see you in the shop in the morning Wick.” I pushed my way passed them and headed to medical.   
Abby and I eventually agreed that I could wait outside of medical until Clarke woke up and at first that was something I could handle. I understand she needs to rest and might have been going through hell these past weeks but I was still anxious to see her. MY anxiousness quickly turned to restlessness and needed a project. I quickly walked/limped my way to the work shop and grab a tablet and my notes. On my way back to medical my leg started feeling limper than usual. While this brace made this morning easier, wearing it for over 24 hours was taking its toll. I grabbed on of my crutches and made my way back to my post at medical.   
Having something to work on made the time go by faster. Before I know it the sun was coming up. Shortly after that Wick brought me water and once I told him I still hadn’t had a breakthrough he tried to convince me to either go to bed or work in the shop. But I was staying put. Then Byrne came by.   
“There was just movement in the woods north of us.” She glared down at me. “We got luckily last night. Clarke found her way her because of your beacon. I hope, for your sake, she is the only one that will be able to find us that way.” And with that she went into the medical tent. God I want to punch her in the face. Not only is she a bitch, she shot my hard work down, is keeping us from finding the 100 and the rest of the Ark, and she is making any sort of peace impossible with the Grounders. All that aside, I shook her comments off and returned to work. Then Byrne, Abby, and Clarke all came out of medical. Clarke looked surprised then relived when she saw me.  
“Hi,” She breathed out as we hugged.  
“I’ve been waiting out here all night. Abby said you needed sleep.” I put my tablet down then Clarke noticed my brace.  
“Raven, I-”  
“It sucks, but I’m dealing with it.” I was glad Clarke was back but I didn’t want or need her pity or apology. Thankful Clarke understood this, understood that I need to deal with it on my own as much as possible. Even with everything that has happened between the two of us over Finn I’m glad she’s here. She seems to be the only other person on the ground that understands the importance of doing something on your own, fixing things by yourself. It’s nice to know that another girl has my back most of the time. I was dying to ask her where she has been but just then the gate opened. Bellamy and the rest of the search party returned.  
“Go,” I told Clarke, “I’ll catch up.” Clarke quickly made her way to the gate and I limped slowly behind. Spending over 24 hours in the brace made my movements even more awkward and spending the whole night sat on the ground didn’t do me any favors. I guess I would just have to grow used to bringing up the rear.  
As I made my way I watched Clarke literally run into Bellamy’s arms. The Rebel King and the Princess reunited at last. A bitter thought crossed my mind: if Clarke and Bellamy would just give into the chemistry they had then maybe Finn and I could….I pushed the thought away as quickly as I could. What if’s and maybes are things that I only explore when at work. Inviting these what if’s into my love life would only result in more heartache. Even if I do thing Bellamy and Clarke should bang I’m not gonna let that idea give me false hope for me and Finn. We are still in each other’s lives and right now that I all I really need. I just need Finn to not leave me like the rest of my family did.   
“How many are with you?” Bellamy asked Clarke when I reached the gate.  
“None….Where’s Finn?” Taking in the search party I noticed that along with Finn, Murphy was missing too.   
“Looking for you.” This can’t be good. Finn is out in the woods alone with the man who fucked up my leg. I hated the idea of the man I love being with the one person I hate more than anything. I hope that in a few months Finn will be a man I once loved and have moved on that that Murphy will just be annoying; I don’t like hating him but right now hating him is easier than feeling sorry for myself. We need to find a way to get Finn back to camp. Murphy has shot and killed our people before so what is stopping him from doing it again?   
Clarke was in the Council meeting now filling the leaders in on Mount Weather (where she was and the rest of the surviving 100 are still being held) and trying to convince them to send a team out to find Finn and Murphy. Clarke, Bellamy and I all waited in the hall outside waiting to hear what the council’s course of action will be. While we waited Clarke filled us in on Mount Weather. It all sounded a little too good to be true but I wanted to believe it was all chocolate cake and fine art, at least until Finn was back. Finn will think of ways to get everyone out of Mount Weather. He’s an idealist so he views the world in a completely different way than most of us do. He pushed for peace talks when it was just the 100 on the ground. He was right then. And I’m sure he will be right when it comes to saving our people from Mount Weather.   
I was starting to feel anxious waiting for the council so I made my way back to the workshop. Bell said he would come fill me in on everything once the council got out. Wick was out working on something, God only knows what, so I sat down and reviewed the work I did while I was waiting for Clarke to wake up. It was hard to focus than and it’s hard to focus now. Wick and I still haven’t found a way to get around the noise that was jamming almost all of our communications. Breaking through the haze equals the biggest breakthrough we’ve had on the ground. I kept feeling like there was some giant piece of this we were missing. What are we over looking? Why won’t the beacon work? When will Finn be back here and safe?   
Ugh! I pushed my notes aside, frustrated, and held my head in my hands. Maybe it wasn’t my leg that was causing the hold up in my work, maybe it’s Finn. I never knew my dad or grandparents and my mom was a drunk until she got floated. Finn was the only thing that kept my afloat most days and now he was missing with Murphy on top of loving Clarke more than me. Damn it. I felt the tears welling up again. I was so sick of crying.   
“There she is!” Wick burst into the workshop and I quickly shoved my emotions back down where they belong. “I was beginning to enjoy having this place to myself.”  
“Oh I can tell. Looks like a tornado blew through here.” Wick’s work area was covered in scrap paper and notes and tools and it was easy to make fun of him for it. in addition to his regular mess there where also bullet casings, gun powder, and clips. Looks like the guards where a bit too trigger happy and once again we were slitting bullets.   
“At least I’m getting work done over here Reyes,” he teased, “Have any breakthroughs while spending the night sleeping on the dirt?”  
“Shut up Wick.” I couldn’t help but smile. As much of a pain in the ass he is I can always expect him to be like this and that constancy was nice. The banter was easy. And most of all he made it so much easier to focus on work. Work is something I can do. No emotions, no feelings hurt, just projects, thinking, and tools. Wick and I started comparing notes for the umpteenth time when Bell came in.   
“She put the camp on lock down.” He said as he paced around the shop. “Now that she has Clarke back she could care less about the rest of us! We need to get guns and find a way out of camp before Murphy makes things worse for all of us.” I could tell this conversation was making Wick uncomfortable; he tried to hide behind his station and to look consumed with he work but he wasn’t doing a convincing job.   
“I can get out Bell, but how are we gonna get guns?”   
“I don’t know.” He sat across from me at my station. I could tell Bellamy was getting worn out. The ground seemed to agree with him at first but now I think it was taking its toll.   
“Do you have any idea where they could be?” Bellamy nodded. “Perfect. So we get you guns, sneak you out of camp and they come home no problem right?” I tried put a positive spin on this in my brain but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Finn and Murphy together would only result in Finn getting hurt.   
“Yeah. No problem.” Bellamy stated dryly. “I’m gonna see if Clarke has any ideas on the gun front.” Bell got up to leave.  
“Well,” Wick said finally abandoning his fake work, “I can get you guns.”  
“How?” I asked, shocked. Then I thought about it, “You know what, the less we know the better. Just get them.” Wick set off and I turned back to Bell. Things had been kinda awkward since we slept together. We only did it because we both wanted an escape and things had never been the same between us every since which sucks because I feel like we get each other. We both grew up with less than ideal circumstance, we both know what it’s like to only have one person in our lives, and we both knew what it felt like when the council gave up on us because it was for the greater good. We both knew this whole situation with the council was bullshit so hopefully he’ll listen to me. “Bell,” I reached across the table and put my hand over his arm (I am rarely physical outside of sex but I need to make sure he hears this) “I need you to bring Finn back to me. He’s all I have.”   
“I know.” He put his hand on my and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Get me out of camp and I’ll get Finn back to you Raven. I promise.” And with that he left. Once the door shut I looked at the plans of the camp and found a section of the fence that was concealed and not extremely difficult to shut off.   
“You are going to love me!” Wick announced his presence.   
“What now Wick?”   
“I had to fix these jammed guns today and split bullets to make extra clips. And because I’m brilliant I finished these ahead of schedule,” He placed a duffle with about five guns in it on my table, “and I haven’t given them the official numbers so they will not be looking for these guns or these clips for a day or two.”  
“You’re right, I think I do love you.” I laughed as I looked over the supply. With any luck Finn will be at camp before tonight.   
“Think?! Oh, come on,” Wick teased, “just give into your feelings of love for me Reyes. I am yours to command.”  
“Haha, if that were true then why do we always have to argue for 20 minutes before you admit that I’m right about whatever it is we are working on?” He playfully shrugged and made his way over to my side of the table.  
“Plans of the camp?” He pulled them closer to him.  
“Yup. I think turning off the section of fence here would be best.”  
“Concealed, facing the forest. Looks solid Reyes. How are we gonna do it?” And just like that Wick was part of the plan.   
A few hours later I took the duffle and a walkie to the section of fence I picked out and waited for Bellamy, Octavia, and Clarke. Bell showed up first and I showed him the supplies Wick gave me.   
“Scored you a couple extra clips.” With Murphy you could never be too careful.  
“Hey,” Clarke made her way to our meeting point, “My mom’s in surgery and the team going after Kane just left. We should too.”  
“Did you find Octavia?” Bell asked. I thought the fact that Bellamy brought his sister on missions with him was one of his more redeeming qualities. O was really coming into her own and Bell wanted to acknowledge that but also protect her.   
“No, I found you.” Octavia was the last to arrive. “I’m not letting you leave here without me.”  
“Octavia-” Clarke started but O cut her off.  
“Finn and Murphy are headed for Lincoln’s village. I’ve been there. Have you? Has she?” Someone had clearly pissed in her Wheaties this morning. Still Bell smiled at his little sister.  
“You done?” He chucked handing O her bag.  
“What’s this?”   
“Your pack. Lead the way.” All three of them made their way to the fence, Octavia was itching to leave.  
“Whoa,” I head my crutch in her path, “not so fast, Pocahontas.” I touched the fence with my crutch to show them it was still live. Turning off a section of the fence would be noticed instantly if it was off for too long. That’s where Wick saved the day.   
“I though you said it was handled.” Clarke hissed. She was trying to be quiet but I could tell she was annoyed. Ye of little faith.  
“It is.” I triple checked to see that none of the guards were looking than walkied Wick to shut her down. After a few seconds I touched the fence again and this time no sparks. They were free to go. “Handled.” I watched as they made their way to the woods and once they were hidden by the trees I made my way back to the workshop. Wick had the fence live again before I got back and apart from a brief nod to confirm they got out okay we didn’t say anything about it. Soon we fell into our projects. Sinclare had us pause on the beacon project until we recover supplies from Factory station. In the meantime Wick and I were to do quick jobs around camp. Fixing airlocks, improving the range on walkies, stuff like that.   
It was getting dark and I had been so consumed with Clarke’s return and getting Finn back that I haven’t eaten or slept in over two days. I knew trying to sleep with Finn still gone would be pointless but I should start taking better care of myself. I got myself dinner and walked around camp. Outside of where I got for work I hadn’t seen much of Camp Jaha. On my walk a found where they were keeping the stuff from the drop ship. There were the wristbands, Millar’s dumb beanie, the communications system that recorded the Exodus ship crash, Jasper’s goggles and Monty’s moonshine. I smiled as I thought about the two of them. They were the life of the party and I couldn’t wait until they were back here too. I grabbed the com system. Maybe something on it could help crack this beacon thing and if not we can scrap it for parts. Before leaving the pile something compelled me to grab Jasper’s goggles and put them in my inner coat pocket. Once they were in my jacket I made my way back to the shop with the com and dropped it off.   
It was dark now and I could feel my anxiety rising. They weren’t back yet. I zipped up my jacket and felt Jasper’s goggles touch my side. These goggles made my feel closer to having him back. To having all of them back. I missed being able to have fun and that was something that seemed to follow Jasper Jordan around. He and Monty were always the life of the party at camp. Maybe some of that fun was substance induced but hey, if you can’t party when you’re young then when can you? That thought process lead me to Monty’s moonshine and before I know it I was sitting at a table outside drinking and thinking about them. This had to be the batch Monty made for Unity Day.   
The whole camp was partying and I was still feeling the fresh sting of the Finn and Clarke situation. They weren’t even trying to hide the fact they had feelings for each other. I wasn’t stupid and I picked up on it. But instead of wallowing about it I found work to throw myself into. Splitting bullets. Not the most intellectually stimulating work but it kept my out of trouble. Finn saw through it and came into my tent, trying to convince me not to help Bellamy. The two of them butt heads and while we were dating I stayed away from Bell for Finn’s sake but after he and Clarke I decided to do what I thought was right. Our camp needed to be able to defend our camp from grounders and that meant making bullets. Finn didn’t seem to get that and he was judgmental. He asked me if I knew what I was doing. Judging me for finding something to do aside from feel sad about us. Even then I knew I couldn’t sit around hoping he’d change his mind. I was in the shittiest of all moods when Jasper came into my tent.  
“Hey-hey, there you are!” I had no idea Jasper Jordan knew who I was yet here he was, drunk in my tent with two drinks in his hand. “Alright listen, we’re playing drunkball. I bet Monroe my team’s gonna win the Unity Day title. That’s for you,” He handed me one of the drinks, “I know you Zero-G mechs have crazy hand-eye skills, so..huh?” He clinked his cup with mine and I couldn’t help but smile. He was the only person on the ground that had gone out of there way to spend time with me. Sure he wanted me for my Zero-G skill set but for a drinking game. I instantly felt my mood lighten.   
“What do you think?” he asked lightly. “It’s got to be more fun than whatever you’re doing.” I couldn’t help but laugh. He just wanted me to have fun and that alone was enough to turn my night around.  
“I am checking the gun powder in these rounds so that if the Grounders try to kill us all maybe we can get a few shots off beforehand.”  
“Hmm. That’s intense… Sure you know what you’re doing?” Unlike Finn, Jasper wasn’t asking in a passive aggressive way, he just seemed genuinely curious.   
“Why does everyone keep asking me- whoa!” the bullet I was working on just sparked. “Damn!” my hand hurt like a bitch. If Finn had seen that I would’ve been lectured but Jasper wasn’t Finn.   
“You need a hand now that, now know, you almost blew one off?” Again, no judgment, just genuine concern.   
“I’ve got this.” He should go back to partying, I’d be fine.  
“Hey,” He came next to me at the workbench, “no one is a better mechanic, all right. But this stuff requires a chemist.” I rolled my eyes, “How’d you do in chemistry class?” I didn’t answer, “Hmm well the fates are smiling upon you my friend. I was great in chemistry.” Jasper had abandon his drinking team to help me with bullets. Drinking the same moonshine that we did on that day made me realize how much I miss him specifically. I want all of the 47 back but Jasper was just fun and easy to be with. Well we’ve all got each other now right? Those words echo through my head as I looked in my cup of moonshine and Abby makes her way to where I’m sat at Camp Jaha.   
She slammed a note onto my table. Mom, I hope you understand that I had to do this, Clarke. Fuck. Why? Why did she have to leave a note?  
“Did you know about this?” Abby was that scary quiet angry.   
“No.” I had gotten good at lying to council members so I looked Abby in the eye and got ready to cover my ass. She sat cross from me, her expression hard. “Sure, have a seat.”  
“Tell me where they went and you won’t be in trouble.” Typical Abby. They couldn’t spare the men for Murphy and Finn but for Clarke you bet your ass her Abby would abuse her power to get her back.  
“Abby, I have no idea wh-”  
“Someone got them through the fence,” she rose from her seat and leaned over the table towards me, “someone gave them guns.” I held my ground, still looking her dead in the eyes.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking abou-” SMACK! Abby’s hand flew across my face. My ear started ringing and my cheek stung but I looked back at Abby. I used to respect her, thought she loved her daughter the way a mom should but now I had lost my respect for her. She had crossed a major line. Still I felt bad for her. I can’t be easy having Princess for a daughter. I slid my moonshine over to her. Maybe after a drink Abby will lighten up.  
“She thinks that because of what she’s been through she’s changed. But she’s still just a kid.” Abby was on the verge of tears.   
“You’re wrong, Abby. She stopped being a kid the day you sent her down here to die.” Abby’s expression became unreadable and she made her way back to medical. I drank more, the warmth of the shine dulling the pain in my cheek a bit. I clutched the goggles through my jacket. Well we’ve all got each other now right?


	4. Chapter 4

The past two days have been hell. Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia were able to find Finn and Murphy but it was too late; a village of Grounders was slaughtered as they looked for Clarke and the other 47. While I was thrilled that Finn was safe and back at camp, each time a new detail about what had happened came to light the more distance I wanted between us. So much for the idealistic boy next door. I tried to avoid hearing about it but what I did hear wasn’t good. In my gut, I knew this was bad. Clarke even came in me to talk about Finn, who ever thought that was gonna happen? She wouldn’t tell me why she wouldn’t talk to him herself but I knew why; what he had done shook her to her core and she was reeling. I knew the feeling. Still, she thought I could reach Finn and make sense of his side of the story. “I feel like he’ll listen to you. You understand him.” Wrong. I understood the Finn that was on the Ark. The one on the ground I hardly recognize. The council was currently questioning this new Finn, along with Murphy. The trial had been going on since the two of them returned to camp.   
At least some good has come out of this. Even through he’s and idiot I like knowing Finn is at camp. It makes throwing myself into work a lot easier. Now my mind has one less place to wander and my productivity has increased a ton since he got back. Now my mind only wanders to Mount Weather. Clarke had gone over every detail about Mount Weather with Bellamy, Octavia, and myself a few times. I would’ve loved to get more information from Clarke but Abby and Byrne have been watching me like a hawk. But that did give me an excuse to be holed up in the shop. Wick was in and out, working on various jobs around camp, so I didn’t have to worry about his flirting (with everything going on with Finn I think flirting with Wick would only jumble my brain more than it already is). Because of this I was able to get through the work Sinclair gave me ahead of schedule, build a new brace that didn’t hurt my leg if I wore it for extended period, and was able to look through the pile of parts I grabbed from the drop ship.   
I had to rescue the COMM system from Wick (he wanted to scrap it for parts) but after I practically threw myself over a workbench to grab it from him, he tossed it over no questions asked. I think he thought I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and maybe he was right. I had been listening to this COMM off and on since Abby slapped me. For some reason, I convinced myself that if I listened to everything the system recorded I would be able to find a way to build a beacon. Then we can find more Ark survivors and have enough people to defend camp and to go get the 47 from Mount Weather. Like this unit held the answer to all of our problems. But it didn’t. All it held was the crashing of the Exodus ship and the same static Wick and I listen to each time we retry to build the beacon…it’s the exact same static…but, how can that be? Atmospheric noise is like a wind; it sounds like other winds but there are subtle differences. But this COMM unit’s recording sounds exactly like the noise Wick and I are trying to cut through.   
I grabbed my radio and tried a random frequency and heard the same noise. I tried another frequency. Same noise. Another. Another. I tried every frequency and found the same thing each time. I couldn’t believe it. I felt myself laughing; I had finally found something! I need to find Clarke.  
I grabbed my jacket and headed out to camp. I must have been listening to the COMM long than I thought because it was completely dark out. I found Clarke and Murphy sitting around one of the many fires outside. “Beat it Murphy.” He was still on my shit list and while I don’t wish him any harm that doesn’t mean I have to be all chatting with me. “I know why we haven’t heard from any of the other Ark stations. Mount Weather’s jamming us.”   
“Show me.” I saw the doubt flicker in Clarke’s eyes but I know she’s as desperate as I am to get our people back. We made our way to the shop as quickly as possible. On the way, we didn’t talk much. That’s something that I really liked about Clarke; she was all business. When there is something to be done, she doesn’t pry into feelings or small talk. We just get the thing done.   
We got to the shop and I showed her my notes and set up.  
“I tweaked the resonator and got this.” I played her the jamming signal. “It’s on every frequency; long-range communication is totally screwed. It’s also why the range on our walkies sucks.” Clarke still seemed confused. “Clarke, this is the same signal that Monty heard on the black box of the Exodus ship.” She let all of the information I just threw at her sink in.  
“Mount Weather crashed the Exodus ship?” Clarke was quickly putting a plan together in her head. This is why we work so well together; she looks at big picture plans while I fix and problem solve as we go. “Can you get around the signal?”   
“Around it? No. But if I can get to the tower that broadcasts it, I can make it go boom.” Clarke nodded. It was like we had an unspoken agreement that at first light we were going to Mount Weather.   
“No one is going anywhere.” Abby’s stern mom voice filled the shop. I should’ve know that Abby and her new right hand would have followed Clarke and I back here but I was too eager to share my breakthrough with Clarke that either of us through about being more careful. Clarke was able to reason with her mom and let us go try and blow up Mount Weather’s tower…unfortunately Abby was only going to let us go if she was able to come with us.  
At first light Clarke, Abby, Bellamy and a few others left camp and made the hike to Mount Weather. I was bringing up the rear partly because of my leg and partly because I wanted to let my mind wander and partly so I could avoid Finn who was at the front of the party. Since I woke up in the drop ship I haven’t felt like I’ve been able to breathe and think without there being some giant weight hanging over my head. The weight is still there but today it doesn’t feel like it’s going to crush me at any moment; I feel the slightest bit of hope. I wanted to take the hike to Mount Weather to saver that feeling for as long as I could…but I kept hearing bits and pieces of Abby and Clarke’s conversation, most of which was about Finn. I tried to block them (and Finn) out of my mind; tried focusing on the woods around me, tried coming up with various plans for when we get to the tower. I finished coming up with a plan D by the time I gave up blocking out what they were saying about Finn.   
Finally, we came to a clearing at the top of a hill; from there you could see the tops to the surrounding mountains. After spotting the tower, we were supposed to make camp as it was going to get dark soon. There was no way we could’ve reached the tower in a day. But then Abby (the ever-observant council member) noticed that Bellamy and Octavia weren’t with us. The plan was that the Blake siblings would go off and try to find a way into Mount Weather while Clarke and I took care of the tower and kept the guards and Abby preoccupied. Looks like that part of the plan is blown.  
“I’m going with them.” Finn announced as he went to join the guards Abby sent to find Bell and O. I did not like how hollow his voice sounded.  
“We need you here.” I tried to sound as matter-of-fact as possible. I wanted Finn to think we needed him with us for the mission, not that I needed him with me so I can know he’s safe.  
“Why?! So you can keep an eye on me?” he said to no one in particular. “You’d have to be able to look at me to do that.” He spat at Clarke.   
“Finn…” I needed him to know that he’s not the monster that he thinks he is, that I still love him, that I still need him, but I couldn’t find the words fast enough. I tried to touch him, hug him, but he pushed me away.   
“What do you think I’m gonna do?!” After glaring at Clarke, he dropped his gun and stormed off, Clarke went chasing after him. He wanted nothing from me. He did all of this for Clarke so her opinion of him is the only one he really cares about. Deep down I think I’ve known this but now I know for sure; he no longer loves me and all he can see is Clarke. Somehow this realization hurt more than the bullet in my leg. He was the only person I had on the Ark and on the ground. I’d be fine if he and Clarke were together and Finn and I were at least friends but with how he’s acting lately it’s like I’m nothing to him. That’s the part that hurts the most. Up there we were each other’s worlds and down here, he acts like none of that had ever happened. He’s treating me like he treats Bellamy and Octavia and every other person on the ground. Did we not grow up together? Were we not each other’s first loves? Whenever the system was too much to put up with, we turned to each other. It was us against the world. Now, when we are both feeling lost we aren’t able to turn to each other because he simply doesn’t want me anymore. I didn’t have time to wallow in my feelings for too long; the acid fog was quickly coming from out of the trees and with our camp split up, Abby and I had to quickly get into a tent just the two of us. Luckily Abby’s over protective tendencies were providing a welcomed distraction to the Finn situation.  
After trying the radio for the millionth time I finally explained to her that our radios won’t work here because of how close we are to the tower; she’s been trying to get in touch with Clarke since we got into the tent. While I knew it would be a long shot I started messing with the radio away, retesting each frequency and that’s when I heard something I hadn’t heard on the ground before.   
“What is that?” Abby asked, moving closer to the radio to try and make out what we were hearing.  
“I don’t know. It sounds like they are jamming every frequency but this one...This one’s clear!”   
“That sounds clear to you?” Abby seemed to be growing more confused the more she listened.   
“It will be once I crack the encryption.” It was going to take a long time but as we are trapped by fog might as well take a stab at it.   
“English, Raven. What does that mean?”   
“It means we’ll be able to listen in on Mount Weather.”   
“How can I help?” Abby was as eager as I was to crack this. Maybe more eager. After only 30 minutes of me listening to the frequency and fine tuning and note taking she was nearly jumping out of her skin.  
“What’s taking so long?”  
“I’ve almost got it…” I said as I continues to fine tune, “I just need to find the right-” and with the slight turn of a nob the frequency was coming in clear.   
“You did it.” Any celebration in out tent was short lived as we listened to Mount Weather and learned that the fog, or the veil, was a weapon used by Mount Weather. They had attacked us. Once Abby heard this she started giving orders to blow out the tower. But we had what we needed to get the 47 back; we couldn’t take out the tower.  
“Abby, we’re listening to the enemy. Blow the antenna and we won’t be able to do that-”  
“Don’t blow it and we won’t make contact with any other Ark survivors.”   
“Tough call.” While I didn’t want the tower blown up the choice was Abby’s to make. “I know what Clarke would do.”   
“She’d keep the tower up, right?” Abby sighed. “I know why she would. I know why you both would. You want your friends back. But we need those reinforcements Raven.” It seems like her mind was made up.   
“How do you know they are out there Abby?”   
“Raven-” warned Abby.  
“I’m serious. We know for sure that 47 of our people are in that Mountain but we have no way of knowing if they are other Ark survivors.” I could feel myself growing desperate. Just then the fog started to lift. We got out of our tent and Abby, surprisingly, called off the bomb. The tower stands. We are going to listen in and get the 47 back. I was so glad Abby made this choice, I felt a little relief for the first time in a long time. I was so relived I almost forgot about Finn. But just like every good feeling on the ground, my relief was short lived as Finn and Clarke came back to the clearing.   
As Abby filled Clarke in on the plan, I noticed that Finn was standing just on the edge of the clearing, not feeling comfortable enough to join us. I knew what he was doing; he felt guilty over what had happened in the Grounder village and was isolating and torturing himself because he thought he deserved to be unhappy.   
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. I could tell he meant it but I could also tell that he didn’t plan on stopping his martyr act.   
“We all have battle scars, Finn.” If I wasn’t gonna call him on his bullshit no one would; they would all just go around him, walking on eggshells because they don’t want to set him off. Not me. I was never the eggshell walking type. “Suck it up and build a brace for yours.” As I walked away to get my gear I felt a shift in my feelings for Finn. While he was away from camp I knew I was still in love with him. There was the smallest piece of me that hoped once he and Clarke ran their course he would come back to me. But after these past few days that part of me has been growing smaller and smaller and today that piece is gone. I still love him, as frustrating as he is being right now, and hopefully he will be able to get over this so I can get over him. He has been the only person I’ve ever loved and seeing him hurting is probably the worst pain I’ve had to endure here on the ground.   
My feelings for Finn aside, I was feeling alright. Finally, we had made some progress on getting Monty, Jasper, Harper, and everyone else back. Maybe having all of them back at camp would help me move on from Finn. Or at least distract me from him. In the meantime, I guess I will just have to use my work to distract me but that’s nothing new. At least now I also have listening to Mount Weather to focus on as well.   
Just as camp came into view we heard rustling in the woods and a cut up, beaten, and bloody Jaha came into view. I saw my own shock written on Abby’s face. Last we knew, Jaha had stayed on the Arc and was dead/dying. Seeing him standing here, looking at what remains of the Arc station on the ground, was unnerving. But not as unnerving as when he spoke.   
“I have a massage from the Commander.” He labored out. “Leave. Or die. We have two days to decide.” Well, so much for getting our people out of Mount Weather.


	5. Chapter 5

We showed Jaha the way back to camp then he and Abby disappeared to discuss the Commander’s message but the reappearance of our previous chancellor had an immediate effect on everyone. It seemed everyone thought that he found his way back to us for some important reason or another. Some thought he was back to lead us to salvation. Other thought he was back to create more hardships for us on the ground. I was inclined to believe the latter; despite all of their faults, Kane and Abby had done their best to lead us on the ground. They seem to care about the average Ark citizen. Jaha on the other hand has always been a bit out of touch with anyone that lives outside Alpha station and I don’t think his coming to the ground will change that.   
But I didn’t have time to think about Jaha and Abby; I wanted to get to the shop and get a clear transmission of what was happening in Mount Weather. We were going to get the 47 back and Finn will be fine and Jaha won’t derail all of the work we’ve done on the ground. But in order for me to do that I had to finish my actual jobs. I was a bit behind because our hike ended up taking most of the day due to the acid fog. I wasn’t counting on that so I had a lot of odd jobs piled on my workbench that needed to be done ages ago which Wick so helpfully reminded me when I got to the shop.   
I ignored him, sat at the workbench and drove right in on all the small repair jobs I had to do. The sooner I get done with these, the sooner I can work on the radio. The sooner the radio is securer, the sooner we learn about Mount Weather. The sooner we learn about Mount Weather the sooner we get our people back. We’ve all have each other now, right? I had to ignore all that was happening in the outside world so I could save my friends. But that was proving to be extremely difficult after hearing Jaha’s doomsday speech though the window and most of camp hanging on his every word.  
“Can you shut that?” I snapped out to Wick, who was looking out the window with a mildly amused expression.   
“But then we would miss the inspiring sermon of our great chancellor.” Wick said mockingly. Clearly he thinks Jaha is full of shit…at least we have that in common.   
“Just shut the damn window! I can’t hear myself think over here.” I could feel myself getting difficult to me around but I could care less. I had work to do.   
“Sure Reyes. Whatever you want.” He shut the window; I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look up at him as I was finally working on the radio for Mount Weather. “Reyes?”   
“What do you want, Wick?” I asked, still focusing on my work.   
“As refreshing as it is to see a mechanic actually do their work, you’ve been acting weird since Jaha showed up. What’s wrong?”  
“Wick, I mean this in the nicest way possible; piss off.” I wanted to get my radio solid before Jaha fear wrangling the camp into evacuation.   
It seemed like Wick was going to push, make me open up, but luckily Sinclair came in to save me.  
“Reyes, Wick, we are evacuating. So pack the essentials on this list and anything else you think might be useful for us, then go get your personal things. We have to be ready in a few hours.”  
“Once again, we are at the mercy of Jaha and his orders.” Wick dryly joked.  
“These orders aren’t from Jaha. These come from Abby.” Sinclair said flatly. Clearly he had a strong opinion about the evacuation but he had been around long enough to know when not to voice them. But I knew he was just as pissed about leaving as I was; Monty was in the Mountain and Sinclair had just recruited him to engineering before his arrest. I know he would want to stay and get Monty and the others out. I knew if I told him that we could have a way to listen on Mount Weather it would make his job of carrying out orders even harder so I didn’t tell my mentor about it, not yet. And telling Wick was out because he would blab to Sinclair; looks like I was the only one in my department to be burdened by this information for now.  
So I went about packing all I could possibly need to make the Mount Weather radio. Wick clearly notice what I was packing but he didn’t comment. After packing what was on Sinclair’s list, Wick left to get his own stuff. I stayed in the shop, now packing anything that could improve my brace. I went to my room and grab my pack and find Sinclair when the yard suddenly erupted into chaos; the Grounder army was here, had surrounded camp, and was waiting for first light to attack.   
“Well,” Wick said as he came up behind me smelling a bit like alcohol, “looks we are totally screwed.”   
“Looks like it.” I gave him an empty chuckle; at least one of us was able to unwind and have a bit of fun.   
“You want some?” He asked, offering me some of whatever he was drinking.  
“I’m good. Thanks.”   
“Suit yourself. All I know is this stroll we’re about to go on will be much more relaxing once I put a few of these back.” Wick was by no means drunk but you could tell, as he looked out at the army forming at the gates that he was scared so he turned to drinking. Not to get mess up, just to numb the extreme emotion he was dealing with. I wish that worked for me. But after all the time my more exchanged my food for booze…I guess it just lost its appeal so I never bothered going down that road. I was about to tell him his plan was a bad idea when I saw Finn running to Clarke; the princess has returned.   
“On second thought,” I took Wick’s cup and downed what was left in it. There was no flavor, just a pleasant burning sensation on my tongue and down my throat. Wick seemed amused by my change of heart but then he saw what caused that change. I could feel his eyes on my face as I watched Finn follow Clarke inside, just like a hopeless puppy. I pushed Wick’s cup to his chest, I needed to get out of here. I couldn’t watch them anymore. “Thanks.” I started off in a random direction, I just had to get out of here. I heard Wick’s footsteps behind me.   
“Reyes, wait up!” He jogged in front of me and blocked my path.  
“Wick, I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” I said coldly as I tried to get around him but he wasn’t letting my through. Wick knew all about my relationship with Finn, something I resented. We had worked together on the Ark, grew up in the same station, and were now working together on the ground so Wick knew almost all the drama with Finn. I hadn’t told him, or anyone for that matter, any of it but if you spend enough time around a person you learn about their personal life, like it or not.   
“Hey,” Wick threw his hands up in play defense, “I was just seeing if you wanted another round. Or you could tell me about his radio you’re building.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice you grabbing all that shit from the shop. So, what do you say?” Wick gave me a lopsided smile, one that was hard to say no to.   
“Fine,” I sighed, “buy me a drink and I’ll tell about the damn radio.”   
“Deal.” He led me to one of the many seats in the main yard of camp and got our drinks. I filled him in on our hike to blow the tower, the acid fog trapping us, and finally how we can listen in on Mount Weather. I could tell Wick wanted to ask about Finn and how I was feeling but he never did and for that I’m grateful. Instead he provided “helpful” commentary on how he would’ve crack the encryption and what he would’ve grabbed from the shop for the radio. It was nice, easy, to just be with someone. The world seemed like it was ending but talking with Wick, our jokes at each other’s expense, it was refreshing, even if neither of your hearts were in it. I couldn’t tell if it was the drink, the Grounder army, or something else but Wick’s head was clearly elsewhere. Me, I knew exactly where my head was.   
I was getting tired of watching Finn hang on Clarke’s every move. I still loved him and while it was hard watching him with another girl there was something else about watching him with Clarke that hurt. Since she’s come back to camp, from what I’ve seen, she doesn’t seem to talk to give him the time of day but he keeps waiting for her, hoping that she’ll come back around. I think it would be easier to watch the two of them if they were in love and happy but all of us are miserable. I get to watch the only person I’ve ever loved chase after someone that won’t give him the time of day because she is too busy being the savior for us on the ground. He would have never chased after me his way. If I blow him off the way Clarke did, he would’ve walked away. Don’t get me wrong, he was wonderful when we were together. He was supportive and stayed up with me to help me study for my zero-G’s test, he was thoughtful and gave me my raven necklace as a good luck charm, and was romantic. He saved my life. But he never blindly followed me like he does with Clarke.   
“You should go rest, Reyes.” Wick’s soft voice brought me out of my head. “Looks like we called off the stroll for now.”   
“Wonder what changed.” I said dryly as I handed Wick my half-finished drink.  
“Looks like princess is off to save the day.” Wick stood and finished the rest of my drink.   
“Praise the gods, we’re saved.” I said bitterly. After saying goodnight to Wick I head back to my room. I was about to go in when I heard a familiar voice.   
“Raven!” Finn was quickly walking towards me. Great. “Can we talk?” He still had the frantic wounded look in his eyes that he’s been sport for the last few days. I didn’t like it.   
“About what?” I tried to sound as soft as possible, I still wanted to be friends, but my words still came out sharp. Finn didn’t notice.   
“I just, I worried about Clarke and about everyone and…this is all my fault.”   
“Finn, this isn’t your fault,”  
“Everyone at camp thinks so.”  
“Well then everyone at camp is an idiot.” I was sick of comforting him but I was more sick of seeing him like this, this shell of the Finn I love.   
“Raven,” Finn made eye contact with me for the first time in what has felt like I lifetime, “What if Clarke can’t pull this off?” Hearing the way he said her name sent draggers into my heart.  
“When has Clarke even not pulled something off?” I smiled weakly at him and he returned a smile just as weak.   
“Can I come in?” Suddenly I felt just how drained I was. I should say no, try and create distance between us.  
“Sure.” I couldn’t say no to Finn, not after all he had done for me. He follows me into the room and starts to get ready for bed. It looks like he hasn’t slept well in weeks. I’m exhausted and do the same. Without thinking I crawl into bed and he follows me. We quickly fall into our old position, my head on his chest with his arms around me, and for the first time in a long time I felt safe. Sure, there was a small part of my brain that kept telling me this was a bad idea, telling me that if I do this it will only be that much harder to let him go. But the large part of my brain, the one that hasn’t slept well since Finn was sent to the ground, that was constantly working on a million different things, that part told me that a needed this. And as I feel asleep in Finn’s arms I completely agreed with that part.   
I woke up the next morning not with a start as I normally do, but feeling rested and refreshed. I slept so well that is was clearly midmorning, not the ass crack of dawn that I normally wake up to. That refreshed feeling quickly vanished when I opened my eyes to find Finn gone. Looks like the small part of my brain was right. God, I’m sure and idiot. No matter what I do, this whole situation just keeps getting harder for me. This isn’t like most ex boyfriends. I owe Finn my life so when he wants to complain about his new girlfriend or sleep in my bed with me, how do I tell him no? I know if I showed up at his room he’d turn me away. Or he’d let me sleep in his bed while he went to be with her.   
I can’t even believe what got into me last night. I drank with Wick and slept with Finn. Fuck, Reyes, pull it together. I’ve still got a job to do. Build the radio. Get everyone out of Mount Weather. Move on with my life.   
I decided to spend the day in my room. Wick wouldn’t come here and Finn would only look for me in the shop. I opened my pack and pull all the parts I had out of my bag and lay them out on my desk. While digging around for my multi-tool I felt smooth plastic. Confused, I pulled the mysterious object and felt a warm genuine smile forming on my lips. Jasper’s goggles. It’s hard to think of that little stoner without smiling. I hadn’t known him for very long and I was closer to his friend Monty but Jasper has always made me feel just good about myself. His smile and laugher is infectious and his willingness to just hang out with anyone was refreshing. Putting his goggles safely back into my bag I felt my resolve to get Jasper and everyone out of the mountain strength. Fuck Finn, and Fuck Clarke. They can continue with their little soap opera if they want but I am done feeling sorry for myself. I work all afternoon, playing with different ways to build the radio. I got all my out on paper, which is something I rarely do, but if we have to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice going this route was probably the smartest.   
It was growing dark out and I had written out at least six different versions of the radio so I figured it was time for me to emerge from my room. I was never someone to hide from my problems; I knew I’d have to face Finn sooner or later. I walked out into the yard just in time to see Clarke coming through the gate. She looked pained and dragged Finn away from the gate. Ignoring the logical part of my brain I quickly made my way over to them. I was joined by Abby and Bellamy; they were both eager to hear about Clarke’s meeting with the Commander. I was more interested in way she looked so panicked when she saw Finn.   
“What did she say. Is there a chance for a truce?” Abby inquired, getting straight to business after hugging her daughter.  
“Yes.” Clarke said, still looking pained.  
“What’s wrong.” Finn asked, clearly thinking that they had done something to her.   
“They want you.” Clarke regarded Finn sadly, “if we want a truce we have to give them Finn.”  
“What the hell are you talking about?!” I knew what why the grounders wanted Finn but I wasn’t going to let anyone just hand him over. Regardless of my romantic feelings for him, he still saved my life so I would do anything to protect his.   
“That’s their offer.” Clarke tried to make it sound better than it actually was.  
“That’s not an offer.” I called her on her bullshit.  
“It’s a punishment for what happened at the village. Blood for blood.” Finn agreed, it wasn’t an offer, it was a death sentence.   
“That’s insane.” Bellamy said calmly, trying to deescalate me.   
“If we refuse,” Abby began.  
“They attack.” Clarke confirmed what we all knew. At this point the rest of the camp was listening in on our conversation.   
“Give him to the grounder,” shouted someone in the crowd as other start to make their way towards Finn.   
“Back off.” I push one man who got a little to close, he pushes back, I raise my arm to go and swing at him but I feel someone’s hands on me. Clarke pulls me ways from the man and tries to calm me down.   
“Raven, listen to me. Nothing is going to happen to him.” I could my breath becoming erratic. Somehow I didn’t find comfort in Clarke’s soothing words. “I promise okay?” I nod and try taking deep breathes to calm myself down.  
“I’m not dying for him.” Another man from the crowd shouted as he made his way closer to Finn. “Space walker burned three months of oxygen from the ark. He should’ve floated him a long time ago. Throw him out.” Finn had only done that for me. He arranged the space walk for me because I didn’t make zero-G’s because of my heart. He wore the suit for me, got caught for me. I had to save him.   
“Back. Off.” I snapped and punched the man square in the face. I wasn’t letting anyone near Finn. I feel another set of hands on me, Byrne’s I think, but I don’t care. I swing and punch her too. Then my arms are pinned behind my back and I am being taken to be locked up. I try and thrash my way free, to get to Finn, but I can’t. The guards’ hold on me is too strong. We arrive at one of the airlocks and I am thrown in. I pound on the airlock door. Abby put me in here to cool down so I just have to show her I’m cool. I know I snapped and it was wrong. I’m yelling at the guards to get Abby, to tell her I’m sorry and that it was a mistake when I hear a soft chuckle behind me. Turns out Jaha is my cell mate.  
“Save it, Jaha. I’m not in the mood.” I snapped as I began to pace in front of the doors.  
“Now is that anyway to speak to you chancellor?” he asked in his fake polite tone of his.  
“Hey, you’re in here just like me so clearly titles don’t mean much around here.”  
“Abby throw you in here?” Jaha asked. I didn’t respond. “You’re right. Titles don’t seem to mean anything on the ground. Look like the only way to survive down here is to have the favor of the Griffins.” He had a point. He pissed Abby off just like me and now we are both locked up. “Luckily for your boyfriend Finn, is it? Well, he’s lucky Clarke is so taken with him. It might just save his life.” I couldn’t tell if Jaha was trying to manipulate me or just making an observation; either way I wasn’t going to take the bait. I needed to focus on getting out of here. I have a job to do. Get out of the airlock. Protect Finn from the Grounders and camp. Build the radio. Get everyone out of Mount Weather. Move on with my life.   
After what feels like an eternity, I finally see Abby opening the airlock and I hoped she was here to see me and not Jaha.   
“Abby, let me out of here, please. It was stupid. I’m sorry.” I was ready to beg, to tell her I was wrong.   
“I don’t want to hear it.” Her dismissal of my apology got under my skin and I felt like I have to explain myself to her, which is something I hate doing.   
“He was ready to throw Finn out the gate.” I could feel myself getting closer to the frantic mood I was in when I punched that guy.   
“And you think I would let that happen?” Abby genuinely looked hurt.  
“I don’t know…no.” I wasn’t used to have anyone let alone an adult have my back.   
“The only way we are gonna make it through this is if we trust each other.” Abby said, using the same soothing tone Clarke used with me.   
“I’m trying.” I whispered. She was right. I shouldn’t have doubted Abby and I don’t have to protect Finn on my own.   
“She’s free to go.” Abby suddenly announced to the guards. I was so relieved I could’ve hugged her but she killed that urge when she threatened to throw me back in here if I mess up again, this time for good. I promised her I’d stay out of trouble and followed her to join Clarke, Finn, and Bellamy.   
Just as we began to plan how we were going to keep Finn save, Kane came back to camp and pulled Abby, Finn, Clarke, and Jaha into a room to discuss matters of the alliance leaving Bellamy and I to wait. We sat next to each other on the floor; we were going to be here a while.   
Unlike Jasper and even Wick, Bellamy is not content just sitting in silence. He is a man of action which is great when Grounders seem to constantly be at the gates but is not so great when you don’t feel like talking.  
“You’re worried about Finn.” He said gruffly.  
“We’re all worried about Finn.” I retort.   
“Yeah, but not all of us punch people in the face last night. That was just you.” He said flatly. “Not that I blame you. If someone came after O like that…” his voice trailed off. I glance over at him. He’s lost in thought over his sister and I realize how similar we are. We are both people of action, he both have a tendency to challenge authority, and we would do absolutely anything for our family. Octavia was his family, Finn was mine. Coming out of whatever train of thought he was just on, Bell looked down at me and took my hand in his. “It’s okay to be okay.” He said giving my hand a reassuring squeeze, “We’ll find a way out of this.”   
“What if we don’t?” I whisper as I look away from him.  
“We will. They won’t give him up.” He lets go of my hand and puts his arm around me in a platonic way. There was nothing romantic between us. We went down that road and while that night was fun that’s all it was; a fun one night stand. If we dated it would be a disaster because we are so similar. We are both hot headed, don’t follow orders, and like to do things on our own. If both people in a couple had these traits it would make life a living hell. That being said, those shared traits are what brought Bell and I together in the first place and they are why we are still friends. He was becoming my support system here on the ground. So there we sat, his arm around me, on the floor, waiting. Finally, we heard footsteps coming; Bellamy hopped to his feet and help me to mine just as Abby rounded the corner.   
“What’s happening?” I inquired. Abby was still walking down the hall and Bell and I had to walk quickly to match her pace.   
“You were in there a long time.” Bellamy observed, echoing my tone.   
“There was a lot to talk about.” Abby stated simply.  
“Well what’s going on?!” I demanded.  
“There was a lot to talk about.” Abby repeated, clearly deflecting  
“Hey, we are not turning him over to the grounder.” Bellamy warned as he stepped in front of Abby and blocked her path.   
“Step aside now.” Abby ordered. “We are all trying to find a way out of this.” And with that Abby stepped around us and continued walking.   
“They’re gonna give him up.” Bellamy said aloud as I came to the same realization. Abby told me to trust her and this is what I get. I felt my jaw set and so Bellamy and I came up with a plan. I shoved my anger towards Abby down and set off to my room then the fence. I have a job to do. Get my pack. Get my gun. Cut the power to the fence. Get to the drop ship. Protect Finn from the Grounders and camp. Build the radio. Get everyone out of Mount Weather. Move on with my life.   
As I am walking out of the dorms I run into Murphy. Suddenly an idea hits me. The Grounders want blood for blood and Murphy was with Finn that day. We could give them Murphy and Finn would be save. He shot me for fuck sake; he’s the reason my leg is all messed up. If we gave him to the Grounders…  
“Murphy! Wait up!” I called after him as he was heading toward the main yard.  
“Reyes? And here I thought you were too upset about the drop ship to talk to me.” He said in his usual sarcastic tone.   
“Normally I would me but I need your help. You got a gun?” I trying to play up the damsel in distress angle; seems like he would fall for that kind of thing.  
“Alright, I’m intrigued. What do you need?” Got him. I told Murphy we needed his help protecting Finn and he bought it. He agreed to follow Bellamy which will put him at the ship last, which will give me enough time to tell the others what we are going to do.   
I quickly cut the power, go through the fence, and make my way to the drop ship. I am the first to get there so I quickly scan the surrounding area outside the ship, then head inside and wait. And wait. And wait. Something is wrong. After about 10 minutes Bellamy arrives, surprised to find me alone. Worry taking over, I decide to check the perimeter again. Nothing. And again. And nothing. I head back into the ship and see my own panic mirrored on Bellamy’s face.  
“Where are they?” He wondered aloud.  
“We shouldn’t have split up.” We Bellamy suggested it my gut told me it was a bad idea. Then we heard footsteps, Bell drew his gun as Murphy came into the ship.  
“Murphy?” I put my hand on the barrel of Bell’s gun, getting him to lower it as he asks Murphy, “what are you doing here?”  
“I believe I was invited.” Murphy looked at me in a way that made me nervous. With Finn and Clarke being late I hadn’t had time to fill him in on way Murphy was here.  
“I thought we could use an extra gun.” I said, covering my tracks. Bell consider this for a moment.   
“Might be a good idea.” He said finally. I felt myself let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Still worried about Finn I took to pacing around the ship. After what felt like another eternity, Finn finally came into the ship carrying a passed-out Clarke. Bell rushed over to them as Finn told us what happened. They ran into a Grounder and he hit Clarke on the head and she was knocked out. Murphy and Bellamy set to seeing if Clarke was alright as Finn started to frantically pace watching them.   
“Hey,” I came to him and tried to comfort him, “it’s just a bump on the head. Clarke’s gonna be okay.” He didn’t look convinced. “Are you?” But he clearly not fine. His eyes kept jumping from Clarke to the door to Clarke to me to the door. He looked overwhelmed, frightened even. “We’ll figure this out.”  
“That’s what she said right before I almost got her killed.” Feeling sorry for himself, Finn stormed off and left the ship. Afraid of what he might do, I follow him, just to make sure he doesn’t run off and get himself killed. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder.  
“Go look after Clarke,” Bellamy says as he watches Finn pacing in the woods, “I’ll go talk to him.”  
“Bell, I-”  
“Go.” He said softly, nudging me back towards the drop ship. I head in feeling grateful for Bellamy. He knows this is hard on me; having to comfort my ex over his current girlfriend.   
For the first time, I feel like I have a solid friend. I kneel down next to Clarke and start cleaning her head wound. The bleeding has stopped and she’s responsive to my movements so she’s going to be okay. After a few minutes Finn came in and kneeled next to me.   
“Still nothing?” He asked softly.  
“Just give her a little time.” I replied as I continued to clean Clarke’s wound. There was an awkward silence. This had been the first time we’ve actually spoken since we slept together two nights ago.  
“I never meant to hurt you.” Finn gently said after a long time.  
“I know.” I said just as gently. “Truth is, things change and maybe that’s for the best.” I was saying this more for my benefit than for his.  
“Don’t let me off the hook so easy.” He said as I rolled my eyes at him.   
“We’ll always be family.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook or cutting him out of my life. We were family. He was all I had.   
“Always.” I smiled at him. Once this whole nightmare was over, I know we will find a way back to each other. Just then Clarke came to and I left the ship to let the two of them do whatever they needed to do.   
When I got outside I took a deep breath and felt like a weight had been lifted. I think I was in so much pain over Finn and Clarke because he hasn’t given me the time of day since she’s gotten back. I thought it was because he only cared about her but the truth was he was ashamed at what he had done at the Grounder village so he had isolated himself as a form of punishment. Once he is safe, he’ll come back to me. I just have to be patient.   
“Everything okay?” Bellamy asked once I got outside.  
“Yeah.” I actually felt like things were going to be okay. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. That feeling was short lived, like most good feelings on the ground, as Bellamy pointed his gun at the tree line.  
“We got company.” He called into the ship, “Get out here.” I instantly felt the small smile I was wearing disappear. Grounders. They found us. They were here for Finn. They had us completely surrounded. Bell motioned for me to take cover behind one of the burnt logs in front of the ship. Murphy and Bell took cover behind another log; Clarke and finish rush out and take cover with me. I felt my jaw set; remember the plan. Give Murphy over to the Grounders. Protect Finn. Build the radio. Get everyone out of Mount Weather. Move on with my life.   
Once Bellamy noticed how many Grounders we were dealing with, he suggested/order us back into the ship to regroup. Now was the time. I had to protect Finn. I had to get Murphy to the Grounders. I felt my body tensing up as Bellamy and Murphy tried to come up with a plan. It was now or never.  
“If we hit them now at least we take them by surprise.” Murphy suggested.  
“We don’t even know how many of them are out there.” Clarke argued.  
“Well I’m not hearing any better ideas, Clarke.”   
“We’ll give them something.” I tried keeping my voice steady but I didn’t recognize the cold voice that came out of me.   
“All they want is Finn.” Bellamy argued.  
“Finn wasn’t the only one at the village.” I couldn’t look at any of them as I started to hint at what we had to do. I hated this but I need to protect Finn.  
“What are you talking about?” Clarke got it first, and she was already trying to talk me out of it but my mind was made up, we had to give them Murphy.  
“Raven,” Bellamy caught on next, “hold on, we can’t-”  
“Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the you who wanted me to come. You-” Murphy suddenly realized why I asked him here. I looked up at him, shooting draggers. “That’s why you asked me to come along?”   
“Enough Grounders saw him at the village they’d believe he was the shooter.”   
Murphy shook his head, “You sick bitch.” He was right. I could feel the coldness with which I was doing this, feel how tense I had become, how calculating I was being. But I had to protect Finn.  
“Raven,” Clarke said using her signature soothing yet condensing tone, “you don’t mean this.” Like hell I don’t.  
“You know what they do to people.” Bellamy tried to convince me but my mind was made up.   
“They want a murderer we’ll give them one.” I couldn’t believe I had to convince Bellamy of all people to hand Murphy over. Before my brain could register what my body was doing, I had my gun raised and aimed at Murphy. “Drop your gun.” I choked out. I had to protect Finn. And if I could do that by giving the person responsible for my fucked-up leg over to the Grounders…well two birds, one stone. “I said drop. It.” I spat out. I felt my fingers go to wrap around the trigger.  
“Stop!” Finn cried out has he lowered my gun and stood between me and Murphy. “We’re not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay and defend this place.” Finn reasoned. “Murphy, go upstairs, watch the rear. I’ll take the lower level. You three,” Finn said, referring to Clarke, Bell, and I, “take the front gate. That’s the plan, alright.” He wouldn’t look at me. As everyone went to their posts, I waited. I wanted to make sure Finn knew that I was doing all of this to protect him. Once the room was clear I went over to Finn; he seemed to be avoiding looking at me. I hope my Murphy plan didn’t just undo what our earlier conversation established.  
“Hey,” I said grabbing his shoulder and turning him to face me, “we got this.” I wanted him to know I supported his plan, I supported him. He pulls me in for a hug. God, it feels so good to be in his arms again.  
“May we meet again.” Finn whispers into my ear. Something in his tone bothered me. I pulled back so I could look into his eyes, search for what caused that tone.  
“We will.” I said harshly. This wasn’t up for discussion. I had to see him again. We were going to get through this.  
“Yeah.” Finn said as he smiled a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes. I could tell he wanted to say more but wouldn’t. I would’ve pressed but right now I needed to protect him so I went to my post at the gate.  
Once I got outside, Bellamy regarded me with sympathy. I resented it. He didn’t need to feel sorry for me, that my plan with Murphy blew up in my face. He needed to be focused on defending the drop ship. Defending Finn. I forced everything out of my mind and focused on scanning the trees for Grounder movement. I barely register that Clarke comes and kneels next to me. Then we hear leaves rustling and see a figure that I could recognize anywhere.  
“Finn?” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Finn, walking through the gate with his hands up, being dragged away by Grounders. I felt my head spin, my breathing become erratic. After all of that, all we’ve done to protect each other, Finn gave himself up.   
I felt hollow. Like all I had done had been for nothing. I vaguely recall Bellamy putting his hand on my back and guiding me back to camp. I hate this feeling. It was the same feeling I got when Sinclair told me he overruled my rejection to zero-Gs; the feeling that all I have done, sacrificed, it was all for nothing. Now I had to sit at camp and watch the Grounders prepare Finn’s execution. They secured a giant post into the ground. They wanted us to watch. Bellamy was still trying to come up with a rescue plan but nothing he could do, we could do, would work. I tried to convince Abby to stop it but she said there was nothing we could do. I felt hot tears welling up and my throat becoming tight. I force the tears back down. I couldn’t stand this anymore. I couldn’t watch. I had to do something. Anything.   
I notice Clarke and Bellamy storm off and I follow them. Clarke also felt like she had to do something, she was going to talk to the Commander. Which was perfect.  
“Clarke, give me your hand.” If anyone understood how I was feeling it would be Clarke. She loved Finn too so she would do what had to be done. I slipped a blade up her jacket sleeve. “If she won’t let him go, kill her.” I saw doubt flicker in her eyes. “things will go crazy then we’ll grab you and Finn.” This plan had to work. It had to. I could feel the hysteria setting in. “Clarke you have to help him. I owe him my life.” If it wasn’t for Finn I would’ve been floated long ago. Or I would’ve starved to death. Or I would’ve become an alcoholic like my mother. But because of Finn, none of those things happened. Finn has saved my life multiple times. Now it’s time for me to save his. Clarke nodded and made her way up to the Commander as Bell and I made our way back to the fence. We watch as she walks through the Grounder army, as Finn is chained to the post.   
Come on Clarke. Do it. What was she waiting for? We needed the Commander dead so we could get Finn. Why was she just standing there talking to her? Then Clarke walked away from the Commander and to Finn. What is she doing? I watched as she kissed Finn. She then hugged him. Then he went limp. Clarke stepped away, her hand and my blade both covered in Finn’s blood. I felt my heart shatter.  
“No. No!” I screamed as the tears I had forced down earlier started falling. Still screaming I collapsed. I felt Bellamy’s arms around me but they did nothing to comfort me. He was gone. My only family, gone. The one person I trusted, gone. I couldn’t stop sobbing. I wasn’t breaking down anymore; I was broken.


	6. Chapter 6

I don’t know how long I was on the ground sobbing but Bellamy stayed with me the whole time. I hear him talking but couldn’t register any of it. I could register anything past Finn was gone and Clarke was responsible. Time seemed to drag on. Finn was gone. He was my family and now he’s gone. I was alone.   
After what felt like a lifetime had passed I was able to take in things other than my grief. First I noticed Clarke was gone. Then I noticed Finn had been unchained and was lying on the ground, alone. Ignoring the exhaustion in my body I get up and took off, trying to get to Finn’s body.   
“Raven, don’t.” Bellamy easily caught up with me and tried to pull me away from Finn.  
“Bellamy, please!” I choked out, a new round of hysterics starting. Bellamy pulled me closer to him, hugging me tightly. I couldn’t look at him. I just cried into his chest. “Please.” I whispered. “I have to go to him.” Bellamy relaxed his hug just enough to pull back and look me in the eyes. “He’s all alone, Bell. Please.” Bellamy nodded, said something about coming with me to make sure it was safe, and walked me though the Grounders to Finn. He held onto my arm tightly to make sure I didn’t bolt off again. Bellamy seemed to be on high alert the closer we got to the body, hyperaware of any threat the Grounders might pose, but I didn’t care. Nothing they could do to me now would even come close to the pain I was feeling now. Once Bell cleared it with the Grounders nearest to Finn he released my arm and I rushed to Finn’s side.  
Finn. If you didn’t see his blood-stained shirt it almost looked like he was sleeping, peaceful even. But I could tell the ground had taken its toll on Finn. He had bruises and scars, the lines on his face seemed harsher. But it was still Finn. My Finn. The lifeless body in front of me was of the boy who had saved my life countless time. He made sure I had enough to eat when my mom traded away my meals for booze. He made sure I didn’t go crazy in that tin can by always being there for me; he gave me something to look forward to when we were in classes together. He was the only person I ever loved and the only one to love me back. He showed me how to be kind. I had a lot to be jaded and bitter about on the Ark but Finn, always the peacemaker, made sure I didn’t completely turn into a cold hearted bitter bitch. He made me feel like more than just a gifted mechanic. He helped me believe in myself, trust my instincts. We had a lot of our first together; first kiss, first time having sex, first love, and now first true heartbreak. He did so much for me. He was Spacewalker for me, got sent to the box then down here for me. All to protect me. And I wasn’t able to protect him when he needed me to.  
I ran my fingers through his soft dark hair, sweeping it off his forehead. “I’m so sorry Finn.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead. Looking into his face still stroking his hair I apologized for everything I fucked up. I’m sorry I told you to find Clarke. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you deal with your need to find her or to help you through the aftermath of what happened at the village. I’m sorry my plan with Murphy fell through. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what you were planning at the drop ship. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to get you away from the Grounders. I’m sorry I trusted Clarke to do what had to be done in order to keep you save. The list went on and on. Finn was gone forever because of me. I gave Clarke the knife. I felt myself spiraling. Then I heard footsteps approaching. I didn’t have to look up to know who they belonged to.  
“Go away.” I told Clarke through clenched teeth. I wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of Clarke for killing Finn but as I kept looking at Finn’s face, I know he wouldn’t have wanted that. He never wanted violence.   
“Raven, I’m sorry.” Clarke said, clearly trying to make me understand, to check in on me, but I wasn’t in the mood.  
“I said go away.” I screamed at her as I got to me feet. Looking at her for the first time I couldn’t keep my hurt and anger down.  
“I know how hard this must be for you,” Clarke said calmly, “but I’m leaving with the Grounders and I need you to keep working on the radio.” Of course she does. She wasn’t here to see if I was alright. She was here to give orders. I was about to tell her what she could do with her radio when I felt movement behind me. Grounders were surrounding Finn’s body and carrying him off.  
“What are you doing? What are you doing?!” I tried to pull Grounders off of him but Clarke stopped me.  
“They need to take him.”  
“Like hell they do! Get off!” I tried to shake Clarke off of me but I couldn’t. Why wasn’t Clarke pissed about the Grounders taken Finn. She loves him too so wouldn’t she want to say goodbye to him in our way? Unless…  
“You agreed to this.” I said, half questioning half accusing.   
“We’re taking him back to where the massacre took place there’s a death ritual. It’s the only way to get our people out of Mount Weather.” Like that last part made it any better. I couldn’t let them take Finn. I hadn’t said goodbye. But I couldn’t stop this.  
“Then I’m coming too.” I instantly made up my mind. Clarke doesn’t get to kill him and be only one at this funeral. I had to say goodbye to him too. Clarke looked like she was going to fight me on this. “And don’t worry. I’ll bring your damn radio.” I spat out as I shoved my way past her.   
I made my way to my dorm, trying to get my emotions in check but that was proving impossible. I was livid with Clarke and overwhelmed with grief, which was not a good mix. I started packing when I heard a knock at my door. I wished whoever they were, they would just go away but no dice.   
“Clarke said you’re coming with us?” Bellamy asked in one of his gentler tones. I ignored him and kept packing, making a point to keep my back to him. Clarke probably asked him to come talk me out of going. “I think you should stay here.” He stated firmly. I turned, just long enough to shoot draggers at him. He seemed to get the message cause he backed off a bit. “It’s just,” he said returning to his gentle voice, “you need to be working on the radio and-”  
“Is that all I am to you people?” I snapped, closing the space between us. “Just someone you can order around to build this and fix that. Cause that all I am good for, right?!”  
“Raven-” Bellamy sighed as put his hands on my shoulders in an effort to calm me down but I shook them off. He was clearly running out of patience with me.   
“No! You do not get to stand here and tell me what I should do. I am going with Finn.” I practically shouted at him as I pushed his towards the door. He wasn’t budging so I tried punching him in the chest, trying to beat him towards the door he was solid as a rock.   
“You know what Raven?” He grabbed both of my wrists hard in one hand and put his other hand under my chin so I had to look him in the eye. He patience was gone. “We have what we need to beat Mount Weather. To get our people back. But we need that radio to-”  
“What about what I need, Bell?!” I shoved my way free from his grasp.   
“I know this is hard for you Raven but-”  
“Do you? You didn’t lose your family today. I did.”  
“I know.” He said softly as he pulled me to him. We stood like that for a few minutes, him holding me as a quietly cried. “Maybe,” he said softly breaking the silence, “maybe you should stay. Take some time. I don’t think you’re ready to walk into a Grounder village.”  
“Get out.” He pulled back to look at me.  
“Raven?”  
“I said. Get. Out.” This time I was successful in pushing him out of my room. I could feel a fresh round of sobs starting but these had little to do with Finn. I was so sick of people treating me this way. I’m not allowed into zero-Gs because of my heart. I’m not allowed to celebrate Unity Day because we need bullets. I’m not allowed to work because of my leg. I’m not allowed to grief because Princess needs her radio. I was sick of being told what I can and cannot do. I was sick of people only showing an interest in me because of my work. I was sick that Clarke got the run of this place. Everyone treats her like a god when she is the one that screws us over constantly.   
Overcome with anger I throw my nearly packed bag against the wall. Everything I had packed had fallen out. I couldn’t get a handle on my spiral. I sink to the floor and notice my figure hit smooth plastic instead of the cold cement floor. I look over and once again see that I have found Jasper’s goggles and that memory of Jasper and I on Unity Day comes up again.  
“You got any family?”   
“Nope. Just Finn.”  
“Well, we’ve all have each other now, right?”  
I pick them up and hold them to my chest as a new round of sobs take over my body. Jasper was right; we had each other now. Bellamy was right. We couldn’t get our people back without the Grounders or the radio. We have the Grounders, now we just need me. I felt the hysteria that had control of my body over the last two days start to fade and me breathing slow. I still had a job to do. Say goodbye to Finn. Build the radio. Get Jasper out of Mount Weather. Find a way to move on.   
Clutching Jasper’s goggles tighter, I slowly got up and repacked my bag. Going to the Grounder village was gonna blow but hopefully it will provide some kind of closure for me. Once I double checked that I had everything I needed for the radio I made my way to the door and paused. I needed weapons; I quickly armed myself. As an after-thought, I grabbed the goggles and put them securely in the middle of my bag. I promise I will get you out of that Mountain, Jasper. And when I do I will give these back to you.  
I caught up with Bellamy and Octavia in the yard and we waited for the others before setting off. Apparently, this ritual was also a political submit because Kane and Abby were also coming along with higher ups from the Grounder army. Finally, Clarke and Lexa arrived and we made our way to the village.  
I was emotionally drained but determined to keep up with the party. As we walked I tried to avoid everyone, especially Clarke. I still wanted to kick her ass. But all the energy I spent crying was beginning to take its toll. Luckily, we stopped and made camp shortly after I realized how spent I was. I set up my bag at the edge of camp, as far from everyone as I could get.   
Even with how exhausted I felt, I knew sleep would be impossible tonight. Still I tried to slept but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Clarke stepping away from Finn, her hand covered in his blood. After I few hours I gave up trying to sleep and just looked up at the night sky. I felt myself wondering what life would be like if we were still on the Ark. Would Finn and I be together? Would he even be alive? I quickly shut that thought process down. The last thing I wanted to do was get caught in the endless spiral of “what might have been” but if I was alone with my thoughts that exactly what I would do.  
Frustrated and needing a task, I get up and go to the fire with my notebook and tools and parts and start working on the radio. As I built I couldn’t help but feel grateful to have something to occupy but my mind and my hands. I had the bulk to the radio built by the time everyone got up. Now all I had to do is from fine tuning.  
We broke camp and walked the rest of the way to the village. Once we got to the village gate the Grounders stopped us from entering. Lincoln explained that we all had to disarm before we enter. I was annoyed that after all we had done the Grounders still didn’t trust us. They watch us kill one of our own just to get on their good side. My annoyance coupled with my lack of sleep made me less than willing to disarm. But a Grounder, Gustus I think, one of the higher ups, he made it a point to search me and take anything that could be considered a weapon off of my person, including my multi-tool which annoyed me even further.   
Satisfied we were clean, Gustus led us though the gate and into the hostile village. The Grounders in the village were pissed we were there. A fight amongst the Grounders broke out but Lexa stopped it. She made a decree that if anyone tries to stop the alliance between us and them, they would be executed. We were then led into a building and told to wait inside while they prepare for the ritual. Just like at camp, I isolated myself, not wanting to talk to anyone. Taking a seat by one of the rooms windows, I sat and looked out into the woods. Time had once again felt like it was dragging on. I heard people whispering behind me but thankfully no one tried to come up and talk to me.   
Soon, we were being led back outside. A fire pit had been built with alternating layers of wood and bodies, all wrapped so you couldn’t see their faces. It was overwhelming seeing the amount of bodies there were. No wonder Finn had been so tortured and the Grounders so pissed. It’s one thing to hear how many people were killed but it’s something entirely different to see. Suddenly Lexa began her speech with Lincoln translating for us.  
“People of Tondc, in fire we cleanse the pain of the past.” I let those words sink in. Once Finn’s body is burnt in the fire that’s it, he’s gone. Lexa, to everyone’s surprise, asked Clarke to be the one to light the fire. Once again, I felt my anger towards Clarke flair up. But I shoved it back down. I didn’t want to ruin the ritual for the these people. When I look into their faces I see pain mush like my own looking back at me. We have all lost someone we love. And if this is how the Grounders make peace with losing a loved one, maybe it will help me find peace too.   
I stood and I watched the fire for a long time. As the flames grew larger I said my final goodbyes to Finn, to what we had, to what we were, and what we might have been. I cried, telling myself that these would be the last tears I shed for Finn. I wanted to forget all of this pain that has been between the two of us since my coming to the ground. I will always remember him, but I don’t want these last few months to be how I remember him. As the fire consumed him, I let go as much of the pain towards him as I could. The fire had begun to die down and people started heading off. I said my final goodbye to Finn and walked back into the room we had waited in earlier, feeling lighter. There was still pain there but none of this pain was created by Finn. It was there because of how he went and how I wasn’t able to save him.   
We were to all sit and break bread together and begin planner our attack on Mount Weather. We were all ushered to sit at a long banquet table, the Sky people on one side, the Grounders on the other. Still wanted to avoid people I claimed a seat at the end of the table and Bellamy took the one next to mine. Despite how I felt things with him I could tell he was worried about me. Maybe it was his big brother instinct or maybe he just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid, but he has been stay close to me for the last couple days which is something I both appreciate and resent. Kane sat on his other side and next to Kane was Clarke. She sat in the middle, across of Lexa, as if she was our leader, our commander. Something about her placement there rubbed me the wrong way but I didn’t want to prove Bellamy right and do anything rash so I pushed my emotions towards Clarke down.  
“Please accept this gift, commander,” Kane, ever the diplomat, said as he offered Lexa a quart of moonshine, “We drink this at special occasions and I believe this qualifies.” I couldn’t help but smile to myself as Gustus took the bottle from Kane. Moonshine was synonymous with Jasper and Monty and we were so close to getting them back. The death ritual was complete so now we just had to sit through a strategy dinner and then we could storm the gates. My inner smile disappeared when Lexa ordered Clarke to drink with her, yet again rubbing me the wrong way. She killed Finn and is being rewarded with the seat of honor at the Grounders table, as if she were our leader. It was bullshit. But I pushed all of that down again. I would not screw this alliance but because of my anger towards Clarke. I needed it to get the 48 back. And I need the 48 so I can have some semblance of sanity while on the ground. I still have I got to do. Get through the meal. Build the radio. Get Jasper out of Mount Weather. Find a way to move on. I kept repeating it to myself as I watched Lexa pour two glasses. Then, before she could drink, Gustus tested it for Lexa to make sure it was free of poison.  
“To those we’ve lost. And to those we shall soon fine.” Lexa raised her glass to toast as Clarke followed suit. Then Gustus collapsed and started gasping for air. Chaos erupted; We all jumped up from our seats, Gustus fell to the floor coughing up blood, a few of the Grounders drew their weapons. I felt Bellamy push me behind him as Indra drew her sword and ordered for all of us to be searched.   
As Clarke tried to convince Lexa that we didn’t do this, a Grounder started to search me roughly but I let him, I had nothing to hide.   
“Hera,” the Grounder searching me called Lexa over as he pulled a small vial from my jacket.  
“That’s not mine.” I told him, trying to stay calm but Lexa wasn’t listening. “I’m telling you that’s not mine! He put it there when he searched me.” That would be the only was poison could’ve gotten into my jacket. Lexa considers this for a moment then declared that none of us were allowed to leave this room, and with that she and the rest of the Grounder stormed off, locking us in.   
Fuck. There was no way I was going to be able to get out of here. The Grounders tend to demand death for this kind of thing and because the vial was found on me I was pretty sure the death they were going to demand was mine. I could feel panic squeezing my chest and the anger I had felt earlier was coming back up to the surface. I needed a task, something to do with my hands. I started to make adjustments on my brace just to give my hands and brain something to do so I didn’t break down again.   
“Raven,” Clarke whispered as she came up behind me, “I need to know the truth.”  
“I’d step back if I was you.” I warned.  
“You wanted me to kill Lexa yesterday. If you tried to poison her, I need to know.” She said using her standard superior tone. I couldn’t shove it down anymore. I quickly turned and punched her square in the face as I started to cry again. But this time they weren’t tears or grief, they were anger. Of course, Abby came running to defend her daughter, Octavia too. I was pissed  
“You’re the only murderer here!” I spat at Clarke as Octavia tried to put herself between us. I couldn’t believe her; she knows how upset I am with her but does she really think that little of me that I would put all of us in jeopardy?   
I stormed off to another corner of the room, trying to get as far away from Clarke as possible. I wanted to punch and kick and scream but that wouldn’t make a great case for my innocence so I sat on the floor, knees to my chest and rocked as I went my anger tears flow silently. I had my back to the room and I was acutely aware of conversations happening around me but I didn’t care enough to listen. After a few minutes, I felt someone sit next to me; I didn’t look up but I had a pretty good idea on who it was.  
“What do you want Bellamy?” I croaked. All of this crying was making my voice raw, “have you come to accuse me too?” I didn’t try to keep the venom out of my voice. I was so sick of Clarke being flawless in everything she does while I get punished for the littlest slip ups.   
“No,” he chuckled, but it sounded forced, “I came to congratulate you on your form.” He gently elbowed me in the side. “You’ve got a hell of a hook there Reyes.” He smiled at me but it didn’t reach his eyes.  
“Thanks, but what do you really want?” No point tiptoeing around, I wanted him to get to the point.   
“Nothing. I just wanted to see if you’re alright.”  
“Never better.” I said dryly as a found an interesting spot on the floor to stare at.  
“I’m serious Raven.” Something in his tone told me he was so I tore my attention away from the floor to look at him. “Are you okay?”  
“Why do you care?” I asked bitterly.  
“Because like it or not, you’re one of us. You, me, O, Clarke, hell even Murphy. And the 48 inside or Mount Weather. We are all each other has.” I half expected him to tell me to work on the radio for Mount Weather but he never did. He just sat there with me. Then, after a few minutes get got up and helped me to my feet. “I know you probably feel like you are all alone now the Finn’s gone. But that’s not true Raven. You’ve got us now.”   
Well, we’ve all have each other now, right?  
I nodded. Then the door to the room suddenly burst open and several Grounders stormed in.   
“Take her away.” Indra order as two Grounders came rushing towards me. Bellamy and Octavia instantly blocked their path.  
“She didn’t poison anyone!” Bell shouted as he tried to keep the Grounders from reaching me.   
“I argued for all of you to die.” Indra said coldly. “But the commander is merciful. She wants only one. The Grounders were able to work their way through and I was being dragged off. Panic was setting in. I couldn’t breathe. The took me up the stairs and out into the courtyard where the death ritual took place. I was lead over to a post and the Grounders roughly took my hands and bound them together above my head, attacked to the post. They then tied my legs to the post. A crowd was starting to gather and I felt my breath becoming shallower and shallower. Tear started to sting in my eyes. All of the people who were in the banquet room had gathered to watch including the people from the Ark. My people. But they made no effort to stop this.   
“I take no joy in this, Raven.” Lexa told me as she drew her blade. “But this time, justice will be done.”  
“I didn’t do it.” I gasped out. She had to believe me. “How is that justice?” She didn’t. she raised her knife to my arm and slowly cut. I felt the sting of the blade and cried out as I felt the warm flow of blood. Indra then came up to the post and lifted my shirt, repeating the process across my stomach. This time cutting deeper and going even slower. Its agony. Another Grounder comes up and slashed my stomach the other direction.   
Again, slower and deeper. I feel myself screaming but am making no conscience effort to do so or stop. Another Grounder comes up and cuts my other arm. Another comes, another cut on the stomach. I can see the line of Grounders forming in front of me as they all wait to get a turn. My lack of sleep, my extreme emotions, and now my loss of blood were having their toll; I started seeing stars. Another cut, the longest and deepest one yet. They all hurt. The pain from every cut was still there and each new cut made the old ones’ sting worse. I knew I was going to pass out within the next ten minutes. Then I would be gone. There was no way I could fight out of this one. Not with my arms tied over my head and while bleeding from 5 cuts. Now 6. Now 7.   
“Stop!” Clarke suddenly shouted and thank god they did. I caught my breath as Clarke took the bottle of moonshine a drink straight from it. After a few moments, when Clarke didn’t start coughing it up like Gustus, Lexa demanded an explanation. Somehow Clarke figured out that the bottle wasn’t poisoned, it was the cup. Bellamy put together that it was Gustus, he was the one that searched me and tested the cup. Gustus didn’t deny it and suddenly I was being cut down. Bellamy carried me over to Abby so she could treat my cuts as the Grounders begin to tie up Gustus in the same way.  
Octavia stayed with me as Abby bandaged me up. She covered me with a blanket and stroked my back. Once Abby started working on my last cut I took notice of Gustus. I don’t know how many slashes he had taken but he looked close to the end. There was great pain in his eyes and each new wound caused that pain to grow.   
As I watched I realized this would’ve been Finn. This torturously slow death was what Clarke was saving him from. Instead he got to go out quickly, begin held by someone he loved. Glancing over at Clarke I could tell she was thinking the same thing. While I am still angry towards her for what she did I know that I can’t hold this against her forever. Eventually I will forgive her. Hell, maybe I’ll even be thankful to her for saving Finn from this horrendous fate.  
After what has felt like a life time we were finally allowed to head back to our camp. We got to the halfway point and stopped for the night. Everyone else set up camp around me while Abby told me to rest. But instead of resting I got straight to work on the radio. Again, I needed a task. Something for my hands to do. The Blake’s set my tent up for me so I could go in and get straight to work. I pulled out my note book, all the parts I had grabbed, my tools, and finally Jasper’s goggles. I put them on my sleeping bag. Seeing these reminded me of the people that we needed to find, our people. They were my family now.   
After an hour or two of fine tuning I felt like I was losing my mind. I kept troubleshooting and hitting dead ends and going through the same steps to try and make this damn thing work. Frustrated I laid down on top of my sleeping bag. I was tired and frustrated and generally drained from these past two days. I rolled over and felt Jasper’s goggles dig into my side. Fine, Jasper. You win. I try one more time. I grabbed the radio and my tools and tried one last time before calling it a night. I’m coming Jasper.  
This is Jasper Jordan. Okay, I defiantly have lost my mind. We need help. Forty-seven of us are trapped inside Mount Weather. They’ve taken Harper. She may already be dead. We don’t know how much time we have left. Please hurry. This is Jasper Jordan. We need help…  
The message started to repeat. We needed to get them out now. I had done it, I had built the radio, but now comes the hard part. Still clutching the radio, I rush out of my tent and to the fire where everyone is gathered and I play them Jasper’s message.   
After playing it for everyone we form a rough plan. Bellamy was going to go into the mountain to get us intel, disable the acid fog, and help get our people out. I told Bell to follow me so I could show him what to look for once he got inside the mountain. We went over several possible places the acid fog would be and I told him a few of the very different ways we might be able to disable it but without further information this was all just a guess. I also told him what to look for in terms of a radio. To send out this SOS, Jasper and Monty probably had to connect into Mount Weather’s communications system somehow. Depending on how they hooked it up we should be able to make a walkie out of it so that while Bellamy is in the Mount he can communicate with us back at camp.   
“You can do that?” Bellamy asked, not trying to hide his skepticism.   
“Don’t worry, I can totally do it.” Monty did most of the hard part for me with the SOS message. “you just need to focus on getting into that mountain.”  
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Anything else?” He asked before leaving my tent. I wrecked my brain; we had gone over dozens of different radio scenarios and dozens more for the acid fog.   
“There is one more thing.”  
“Oh? And what’s that?” Bellamy asked, rolling his eyes. He was clearly annoyed with the information dump that our conversation had turned into.   
“Thank you.” He was clearly taken about. “I don’t know if I would’ve been able to make it through these two days without.” Bellamy didn’t seem like he needed or wanted the thanks, and I wasn’t someone who was outright with their feelings but I had to thank him for seeing me though this.  
“Well, we’ve all got each other now, right?” And with that he left my tent and made his way to Mount Weather. 

A/N: Hello everyone! Thanks for reading and supporting this ship. My goal is to have the story caught up to the end of Season 3 by the time Season 4 comes out. Then once Season 4 is out I will update along with the show. So hopefully I can stick to this goal. Also, if you have any feedback I’d love to hear it!


	7. Chapter 7

That next morning Bellamy and Lincoln made their way to the tunnels while the rest of us made our way to Camp Jaha. Once we got back I took the radio straight to Engineering. My trip to Tondc had no doubt caused me to fall behind in my work and now that I had said goodbye to Finn and had finally made progress on getting the 47 back, I was ready to throw myself into work.   
Sure enough when I got to Engineering, there was a massive to do list; all minor repairs that required little brain power so I would be able to get caught up quickly. First thing I did, however, was set up the radio and triple checked that I’d be able to hear Bellamy’s transmission when he got into the mountain. This meant I. along with the rest of the shop, got to work with Jasper’s SOS message on repeat in the background. At one point Wick looked like he was going to chuck the radio out into the hallway, sick of hearing Jasper’s message, but he made the wiser choice and left the shop to go work on on-location jobs. Good. I prefer working alone. I prefer being alone. Even up in the Ark I liked my alone time. As much as I loved Finn and our time together, I still valued my independence over almost everything else. That was part of the appeal of moving to zero-G.   
Because of the simple (at least to me) nature of the jobs I had to do, I was able to let my mind wander. First I went over what the acid fog dispersal system in Mount Weather could look like for the millionth time. Then I went through what chemicals the fog might be made out of. I wasn’t great at chemistry so I knew figuring out that piece of the acid fog puzzle would take me awhile.   
“Hey, no one’s a better mechanic, alright. But this stuff requires a chemist. How’d you do in chemistry class?” Jasper teased. I was horrid at chem. “Ah, well the fates are smiling upon you, my friend. I was great in chemistry.” He said, giving me a lazy grin.   
Maybe it was because I’ve been listening to him on loop for hours, or because his goggles were propped on my open tool box, or because the memory of us in the tent checking bullets together has been on my mind a lot recently, but in this moment, I wished Jasper were with me. He was a great chemist and I missed his goofy grin, the easiness he carried himself with. That easiness wasn’t what I was hearing now. We’ve all changed since coming to the ground but I think Jasper’s changed the most. Hearing his voice, how strained it is, the urgency in it, it was hard to ignore the clear shift just within how he spoke.   
“Has Bell radioed in yet?!” Octavia asked urgently, rushing over to where I had it set up.  
“Not yet. But it’s a long walk to Mount Weather. I’m sure that he and Lincoln are just getting there now.” I told her the same thing I have been repeating to myself for hours. They were fine, this part of the plan will take a little time, don’t worry. She was fidgeting, which was unusual for Octavia. “They’ll be okay, O.” She nodded but I don’t think she believed me. I could tell she was in her head, running through every possible thing that could’ve gone wrong for her brother and her boyfriend. I know when I get like this I like a distraction, something else to focus on. “So,” I asked, trying to provide something else to focus on, “how was it out there?”   
“Some guys from Mount Weather tried to kill Clarke.” She said simply, eyes still glued to the radio.  
“They what?”  
“Go see for yourself. I’ll watch the radio.” If I trusted anyone at the radio, it was Octavia. So I made my way to Medical where I knew the rest of that group would be. I wanted to know what happened, if the learned anything else about Mount Weather, and, despite everything, I wanted to see if Clarke was okay. My personal feelings for her aside, she was one of our leaders and if she died or couldn’t lead us anymore we would be fucked.   
I got to Medical and it was chaos. I quickly found Clarke, who looked uninjured, and was in full doctor mode treating a guy from Mount Weather.  
“Any word for Bellamy?” She sounded more desperate than Octavia had.  
“No.”   
“Then why aren’t you with the radio?!” She demanded.  
“Octavia just took my place. How about you back off?” I regret coming to see if she was okay. I should’ve known she would just jump down my throat.  
“No,” for I brief second I thought she was talking to me, but she was now telling Jackson about the man they were working on. “Leave his suit on. It’s the only thing keeping him alive.”  
“Well how can we treat him if we can’t touch him?” Jackson asked, clearly annoyed both with the medical dead end and with having to follow orders from Clarke. If only there was a place that was free of radiation. Then, it hit me!  
“I can rig up some scrubbers in the air lock. Give me 20 minutes.” Without waiting for the go head, I made my way to one of the air locks I had worked on dozens of times on the Ark. Thankfully, the one closest to medical was the one in the best shape. I quickly ran to the shop and, after confirming there was no word from Bellamy, grabbed my toolbox and returned to the airlock. Once again I was pissed at Clarke for thinking she controlled everyone but once again I was able to channel most of that energy into another job. And this job was a great one. I don’t know why we didn’t fix the air locks sooner; there had to be more than one reason to need a radiation free, oxygen only room at camp. Also, once this guy is treated, he can give us information on Mount Weather. Like what chemicals make up the acid fog, or how they disperse it. Any hints he could give us would be amazingly helpful. True to my word, I got the air lock operational in under 20 minutes. Jackson was thankful but Clarke didn’t comment. I got the feeling she was unimpressed. So not to upset her further, I returned to the radio.  
Octavia was restless by the time I got back.  
“Hear anything?” I asked as I put my tool box away.  
“Nope. Just Jasper.” She confirmed. “Speaking of, you dropped these on your way out.” She got up and handed my Jasper’s goggles.   
“Thanks.” I took them and returned them to their new home on top of my tools.   
“Where’d you find them?” Octavia was now wandering around the shop, clearly looking for something to occupy her mind other than what was on it currently.   
“Drop ship.”  
“That’s something I never understood. Why didn’t they take you? I mean you were the only person in the drop ship they didn’t take.” This was something I had wondered about a lot myself.  
“I guess they thought I was dead. Hell, I thought I was dead. Last thing I remember was walking Clarke and Jasper through how to splice to relaunch the drop ship. Next thing I know I wake up alone, unable to walk, and all of their stuff scattered everywhere.” It was one of my eerier memories and I didn’t like to relive it much. Octavia seemed to understand and we dropped the topic. It was crazy to me how similar she and Bellamy are. I guess siblings are supposed to be that way but on the Ark, siblings weren’t allowed. They both used conversation to distract themselves but it never fully worked. They both would shoot first and ask questions later. They are both comfortable just existing with other people while they wait which was a refreshing quality. Both Clarke and Finn struggled with just being, they had to fill every moment with something. I was thankful that the Blake siblings weren’t like that. So, Octavia and I sat and listened to the radio, it still repeating Jasper’s message. After a while Indra came in to collect Octavia. As she left, Octavia gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze and followed Indra out.   
A few hours later Clarke came bursting in with a map of Mount Weather and the surrounding woods, and what looked like a beacon or transmitter of some kind.  
“These were taken off of the guard from Mount Weather.” She said, not wasting time with a greeting, and put them onto the table in front of me. Upon closer look, the beacon is actually a tone generator. I held it up to Clarke and gave her a questioning look. “I think this is how they control the Reapers. We need to make more of these. Can you do it?” It was less of question and move of a demand. Still trying not to let my emotions towards Clarke get in the way of my work, I turned the tone generator on. A horridly loud and high pitched frequency rang out. Finding parts would be the hardest part but I could do this.  
“Yeah, I can totally replicate this frequency.” I said as I started to look at how this one was built.   
“Good. If we can neutralize the Reapers, then the tunnels are an option. Get on it.” Something about the way she said this and the way she spoke to me in Medical today rubbed me the wrong way.  
“You don’t need to give me orders, Clarke, I got this.” I was about to tell her off when Octavia returned.  
“Raven, any word from Bellamy?” She was starting to sound shrill and panicked.  
“Nothing yet.” I gave her a sympathetic smile and got back to looking at the tone generator.   
“Lincoln’s still missing too,” she said as she started to pace around the shop. “He should be back by now.”  
“They’ll be okay.” Clarke said in that comforting tone of hers that I hate.  
“They better be.” I said flatly. “Your whole plan rests on Bellamy getting in.” I was annoyed that my shop, the one place I felt safe at camp, was now being overrun by Clarke and her bullshit.  
“He will.” She pushed back. Clearly she was annoyed I was challenging her authority. Luckily a PA come over head and called Clarke to the air lock. I’m sure if that announcement hadn’t happened I would’ve punched Clarke in the face again. “We’ll finish this later.” Clarke said as she stormed out.   
“You two seem to be working together well.” Octavia said dryly. She knew how I felt about Clarke right now, she saw me punch her, she was the one that stopped me from doing it again. “Come on Raven, give her a break. Like it or not she’s our leader.”   
“I know that. But she acts like I don’t know how to do my damn job.” I said as I tossed the generator aside. “I just wish she wouldn’t lord that fact over us.” Octavia seemed to understand how I felt. She nodded.  
“I’ll let you get back to work.” She said as she made her way to the door. “Prove her wrong Raven. Do your damn job.” I smiled as Octavia left, shutting the door behind her. It was nice knowing someone else had problems with how Clarke orders us all around. Octavia reminded me to not lose sight of what was really important here. I still have a job to do. Build tone generators. Disable the acid fog. Get our people back. Move on with my life.   
Filled again with a sense of determination, I begin taking the tone generator apart to see what parts I would need to dig up.   
“We’re too late.” Clarke suddenly said behind me. I hadn’t even noticed her coming in. “They’re already bleeding them.” Clarke sounded defeated, which was something I had never thought would come from her. “It’s over.”  
“No.” I said, letting all my anger towards Clarke come up to the surface. “You don’t get to give up, Clarke. You killed Finn and I didn’t give up. I’m building a damn tone generator; you do your job.” I yelled at her as anger tears ran down my face.  
“What is my job?” Clarke shot back, her own tears now falling as well.  
“I don’t know! To come up with something.”  
“I have tried.” Suddenly, Jasper’s message cut off.  
“Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Does anyone read me?” Bellamy’s voice suddenly filled the shop.  
“Holy crap.” I was amazed; he got in, he found the radio. We were going to do this. I could tell that my words had hurt Clarke so I handed her the radio.  
“Bellamy?” She asking into the mouth piece.  
“Clarke?” his voice came back. Both of them clearly sounded relieved by hearing the other one’s voice.   
“Are you alright?” Clarke inquired.  
“I’m fine. But that’s it for the good news. We have to talk fast; something has changed.” Bellamy’s voice sounded strained as he tried to quickly give us all the information he had. “Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm.”  
“But they’re alive? All of them?” Clarke pressed.  
“I think so. For now,” Bellamy confirmed as Clarke and I both breathed a sigh of relief. “But Maya says they’re already using their blood and things will get ugly in here real fast.” Whatever relief I just felt vanished with Bellamy’s words. He and Clarke briefly discussed a greater plan; they both agreed that the first priority was to disable the fog. Clarke handed the mouth piece over to me and made her way out of the shop.   
“What are you gonna do?” I asked, surprised by how quickly she could pull a plan together.  
“I’m gonna keep them looking outside instead of in.” She said, seeming more confident that I’ve seen her since the drop ship.   
“Bellamy?” I radioed once Clarke had left.  
“Raven. How are we gonna do this?” He seemed nervous but I knew he trusted me.  
“I need you to find out what their dispersal system looks like. Then I’ll be able to tell you how to shut it down without melting your face off.”  
“That would be good. What else? Do you want to know what the acid is made of?”   
“If you can find that out that would be great, but I can puzzle that one out on my end. I need you to focus on the dispersal system.” I thought for a moment. “Is there a way we can make you mobile?” disabling the acid fog would be much easier if I could give him instructions in real time.  
“Maya says she might be able to get us what we need. But Monty is locked up so how can we do that?”   
“I’ll walk you through it. In the meantime-”  
“We should set up a check in schedule.” Bell finished my thought. “Every 2 hours?”  
“Let’s make it 3.” I said looking at my map. “This mountain seems like a maze and 2 hours wouldn’t give you enough time to make any progress.”  
“Agreed. Every three hours.”  
“Next time we radio I will have a list of what we need to make you mobile. And Bell?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Do whatever you have to do to keep our friends save.” And with that we got to work. Bellamy agreed he’d check in in three hours. In that time, I had to figure out how to make him mobile without Mount Weather being able to hear him. I stuck that problem in the back of my brain as I started work on the tone generators. After working for a while I was able to take apart the one Clarke gave me, reassemble it, and got started on the first duplicate. I was so focused that I didn’t notice Wick come into work until he spoke.  
“What happened to our elevator music?” Wick asked, noticing that Jasper’s SOS was no longer blasting through the shop.  
“Bellamy got in.” I said not looking up from my work. I’m sure Wick had heard bits and pieces of the plan around camp but unlike most at Camp Jaha he was pretty well informed. It’s amazing how much you learn about politics while working in the shop; leaders are always coming in demanding this weapon of this defensive device so we learn. It was the same on the Ark.   
“Well I’m just glad I can hear myself think in hear again.” Wick said as he sat across from me at the work bench. He picked up the Mount Weather tone generator and gave me the same questioning look I gave Clarke. He switched it on and once again the high pitch frequency rang out. “Alright, I take it back,” Wick said as he switched it off. “Why do you have this?”  
“Clarke took it off of that guard from the mountain. We think that these are how they control the Reapers so I’m trying to make as many of these as possible so the Grounder army can go through the tunnels and get into Mount Weather.”  
“Pain conditioning Reapers with a high frequency tone,” Wick observed, “They’re creative, I’ll give them that.”  
“And sadistic.” I spat bitterly, putting my replica down, “they’ve started bleeding them.” Wick let that sink in for a moment.  
“So how are we building these tone generators then?” I walked him through what I found out from the original one and showed him how I was recreating it. To my surprise he agreed with how I was going about this. “Alright, so far so good. Is there any place you’re stuck?” he asked, but not in his usual teasing tone. He seemed to genuinely want to know if I had figured all this out. For the tone generators, I had but…  
“If we wanted to make a mobile com unit for Bellamy to use in Mount Weather so that he could talk to us from anywhere but not be overheard by the mountain, what would we need?” Wick thought on it for a while.  
“If you took one of their old walkies and scrubbed it of all the preset frequencies, that would make it harder for them to find what channel he was on. But rigging it so he’d be completely unnoticed…that would be time consuming and I’m guess we don’t have much of that.”   
“No,” I agreed, “so an old walkie and an ear piece?”  
“Should do the trick.” Wick confirmed. “What are we gonna do for parts?” Wick asked, returning to the tone generators.   
“No idea. I was only able to find enough for one complete on and like three fourths of another.”  
“Well you keep working on this one and I go looking around to find more parts. Maybe Sinclair has a stash we don’t know about.” Wick joked as he made to leave the shop and I returned to work. “Oh, and Reyes?” I looked up from the project. “It’s good to have you back.” And with that Wick went to hunt down more parts.  
It’s nice to have me back. I didn’t feel back, not entirely. But I guess I could see what Wick was saying. For the first time since the Ark came down I feel like I have been able to do my job properly. My leg wasn’t getting in the way; my personal life wasn’t getting in the way. If anything, my personal life was motivating me further and allowing me to work for longer periods of time. But there was something more to what Wick meant. I didn’t have time to think about Wick’s meaning for too long because Bellamy radioed in for his first check in.  
“Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Do you read me?” Bellamy whispered through the radio.  
“Hey Bellamy. Is Maya with you?” I asked. Once we took care of business I would see if the 47 where still alright.  
“Yeah, why?” He asked gruffly.  
“I figured out what we need to make you a mobile unit. Can Maya get us an older walkie, a model that none of the guards use any more, and an earpiece?”  
“She’s on it.” Bellamy said after I few seconds.  
“Perfect. I will walk you through what to do next when you get those. How’s it coming on the acid fog?”  
“So far nothing but dead ends but there are only so many places it can be in here so I should find it soon.”  
“Good.” That took care of business. “Are you alright?”  
“So far I am but it won’t be long until they figure out I’m not one of them.” I could tell Bellamy was starting to panic a little. He did a good job hiding it but I knew him well enough to know he was worried about pulling this off.  
“Well we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” I tried to sound comforting but it came out colder than I intended. “How are the others? Are they still in the dorm?”   
“Yes. I haven’t been able to go and see them yet but Maya checks as often as she can. She says they are all still in there.”  
“Okay.” It wasn’t the best news but things could be a lot worse. It was only a matter of time before things go that way but hopefully before then we can disable the acid fog. “Any other news from in there?” I know that Clarke will be expecting a full report on this check in so I tried to thing of all of the things she would demand answers for.   
“I don’t know if this helps but all of their power is generated by the dam.” Bellamy said reluctantly. “But if we shut off their power-”  
“Radiation gets in and we don’t want that.” We didn’t want to kill everyone in Mount Weather; most of them were innocent in all of this. “I’ll look into it but only as a last resort, okay Bell?”   
“Alright. Any news from out there?”  
“We are working on a plan that should neutralize the Reapers and free up the tunnels.” I spared him the details in order to keep our check in brief so we could both get back to work. “Also, Clarke has a plan that will keep some of the heat off of you. She’s keeping Mount Weather looking out at us instead of inside.”  
“That makes me feel better.” Bellamy admitted. Hearing the confidence that he had in Clarke made me smile in spite of myself. I wished someone was as confident in me and my work as Bellamy was with Clarke.   
“Well get back to looking for the acid fog. And I’ll talk to you in three hours.”  
“Three hours.” Bell confirmed and the radio went back to silent.  
I quickly finished the first tone generator and Wick found enough parts for me to finish a second one but we knew we needed more. So, Wick set out to find more parts and left me in the shop with nothing to do. I told Bellamy I’d use it as a last resort but the dam was inserting me so I looked into it. Luckily the map that Clarke got off of the guard not only had a map of Mount Weather but also the dam and the woods around the different entrances to the mountain. After looking at the dam and drawing it out for myself I decided to wait for Wick. While I’d never admit it to him, getting an engineer’s opinion on a functional dam wasn’t a bad idea.   
I switched gears and went back to the acid fog problem. Bellamy said he still hadn’t been able to find it. Taking my map, I began to draw the maze that was Mount Weather. Once Bellamy checks in I can ask him where he was already check so together we can deduct where this damn fog was. I also started writing down what chemicals might make up the fog. I’d thought about it a lot but writing out some of the possibilities just showed me how much I was shooting in the dark. This stuff requires a chemist. I smiled, once again thinking of Jasper and what I would give to have him her to help me figure this out. Growing frustrated I realized my hands were tied until either Wick brings me more parts or Bellamy radios in with more information on the acid fog. Without anything else to work on I carried on with my drawing of Mount Weather. Three hours had passed and I had completed a scale drawing of the dam, along with notes on possible ways to use it in our favor, a scale and detailed drawing of the inside of Mount Weather that had notes on where the dispersal system could be as well as possible chemicals that could be used for the fog. Bellamy was late. I shoved my worry down and pressed on. He’s late for a reason and whether that’s good or bad I didn’t know; all I did know was that I still had work to do on my end.  
“Has he checked in yet?” Clarke asked, announcing her presence.   
“No,” I said turning from my drawing of Mount Weather to see Clarke wasn’t alone, she has a Grounder guard with he, “Worried someone’s gonna take a shot at you inside the Ark?” I asked, slightly amused. I actually got shot and you don’t see me with a body guard.   
“Wait outside, Ryder.” Clarke told her guard. “Lexa’s orders.” She said to me; it sounded like she realized how ridiculous it was, her having a 24/7 guard.   
“Whatever Clarke.” I dismissed her, returning to my board, trying to puzzle out where the acid fog would be.  
“He’s late.” I could feel Clarke passing behind me. “What if something’s happened to him?”  
“He’ll be fine.” I said flatly, not turning away from my work.  
“You’ve been busy.” Clarke observed the lab and took in all of my notes. “Why are you focusing on the dam? I told you acid fog was our priority.” There she goes again, giving orders.  
“Until Bellamy gets eyes on their dispersal system there is only so much I can do.” I said, defending myself for what felt like the hundredth time.  
“Fine. Tell me about the dam.” Clarke said as she moved to the board with the dam drawn on it. “Can we cut of their power?”  
“Maybe. I’m still playing with a few things.” Like how to cut off their power long enough to get our people out but not long enough to kill everyone else in the mountain. Clarke then finds one of the tone generators and turns it on.  
“How many of these have you made?” she asked bluntly.  
“Only two so far, but-”   
“Two?!” Clarke slammed the generator back onto the table and turned to me. “That’s not enough. There will be Reapers everywhere.” Once again I was on the defensive.  
“Hi-frequency tone generators don’t grow on trees, Clarke. Wick is scrounging for parts.”  
“Raven, I am about to leave for Tondc where Lexa and the heads of all 12 Grounder clans are waiting for me to tell them we’re a go.” Clarke was starting to break down in front of me. “only we’re not a go because they still have acid fog and we only have two tone generators.” Seeing her this worked up bothered me.  
“Hey,” I said softly, “we’ll be ready.” She didn’t look convinced. “We will.” I said flatly. This wasn’t up for discussion. We’ll be ready and we will get our people back.  
“Ark station, do you read me?” Bellamy finally came over the radio.  
“Bellamy you’re late. Every three hours means every three hours.” At least I wasn’t the only was Clarke was lecturing today.  
“Are you through?” Bell ask. Their dynamic was always fun to watch, no matter what craziness was around us.  
“Have you found the source of the acid fog?” Clarke asked, getting back to business.  
“No, that’s gonna have to wait.” Bellamy said softly.  
“What? No, nothing is more important than that-”  
“Our friends are.” Bellamy said forcefully. “They’ve started taking them from the dorm, one at a time, every few hours.” I took the radio from Clarke.  
“Taking them where?” I demanded.  
“I don’t know.” Bellamy sounded like he was growing defeated. “We tried to follow them but they went to a classified level. Maya borrowed schematics for the air vents from her boss and is trying to find a way to get me in.” I looked at my board of Mount Weather, thankful that I had labeled the classified levels. As I was looking at my board I heard Maya saying she got the walkie and ear bud.  
“We’re gonna make him mobile so he can talk to us from anywhere.” I explained to Clarke.  
“Bellamy you have to find them.” Clarke said, taking the radio back.  
“That’s the plan.” Bell said dryly.  
“If you don’t, all of this is for nothing.”   
“Yeah.” Bellamy’s sense of defeat seemed to be growing. Clarke handed the radio back over to me and said she’d be right back.  
“Bellamy, you said Maya was looking for a way to get you in,” I said over the radio. “Has she found one?”   
“Yeah, but she says it’s gonna be tight.”  
“Okay Maya, walk us through it.” I wanted to hear Maya explain the path Bellamy was going to take so when he was in the vents I’d be able to give him direction. I wrote down everything she said. Once we had the directions to where Maya said the lab was, I walked Bellamy through how to set up his mobile unit. I had time test it by leaving the stationary radio and walking around the room that it was stashed it. It worked. “Alright Bellamy. You ready?”  
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” And with that Bellamy started his way through the vents. About ten minutes in Clarke joined us. It was helpful having two of us lead him through the vents. I was able to follow his path on the map and board while Clarke was able to man the radio. He was getting close and I was starting to feel okay. Then we heard the drill. I asked Clarke and she confirmed my worst fears. The people of Mount Weather were extracting bone marrow.  
Bellamy’s ear piece not only picked up the sounds of the operation, but we overheard the person receiving the bone marrow. Emerson, the guard that was being held in our air lock, was getting a treatment with bone marrow from one of our people. As we continued to listen, we heard that one of the 47 was dead, killed from the extraction process. I forced my brain not to go through which one of them it might be. We also heard Cage and Emerson’s plan to launch a missile at Tondc. All 12 clan leaders were heading there now for the meeting Clarke had mentioned earlier.   
“Please tell me you heard all that.” Bellamy said after a minute.  
“We heard it.” Clarke confirmed.  
“We have to warn them.” I told Clarke. There was no way we could get them back without the Grounder army.  
“Did Kane take a radio?” Clarke asked, seeming to agree.  
“No. And this is the only unjammed frequency. We have to keep it open for Bellamy.”  
“If I leave now I can make it there in time.” Clarke has made up her mind, but it was a bad idea.  
“In time to get blown up, you mean.” She couldn’t go.  
“When I get back, I want to know our friends are safe and the acid fog is down. Can you handle that?” Clarke was in full blown leader mode but it didn’t both me this time.  
“Yeah, we can handle it. Go.” I was ready to get my friends out of that hell hole.  
“Clarke, wait.” Bellamy choked out softly. “Octavia was in Tondc when I left. Is she…” his voice trailed off.  
“She’s here. She’s safe.” Clarke lied.  
“Okay. Good.” Bellamy seemed to be a little less tense than he was before. “You be safe to.”  
“I will.” Clarke said as she handed me the radio. I made sure not to hit the talk button.  
“Octavia’s in Tondc for the meeting. Why’d you lie?” Dishonestly wasn’t Clarke’s style.  
“Bellamy can’t be distracted. It helps no one.” She said coldly. She started to make her way to the door.  
“Hey.” I stopped her. Clarke turned to look at me and before I knew what I was doing I pulled her into a hug. I had been extremely hard on her and in some cases, it was justified. But the idea of losing her too was too much for me. She had to make it to Tondc on time. I wasn’t ready to lose any one else. Her, Octavia, anyone in Mount Weather. I needed all of them to come back to camp alive. I hugged Clarke both as an apology for being so difficult lately and so that she knows I will get done what she’s asked me to get done. “Don’t get blown up.”   
“What’s the plan Raven?” Bellamy asked a few seconds after Clarke left.  
“Make sure our friends are safe and disable the acid fog. Those are our orders.” I wasn’t good at making plans so hopefully Bellamy had a way of coming up with something.   
“That first part is going to be hard. There’s no way I can stop them from being taken from the dorms without blowing my cover.” He was right.  
“Is there a way you could get into the dorm. Tell them what we know?” If they knew leaving the dorm meant they were being lead to the slaughter, maybe they would be able to stop Mouth Weather from taking them from the dorm.  
“It will be tough but I’ll find a way in.”   
“You just need to get them to hang on a little longer. Once they secure the dorm and we get the fog down, the Grounders can come in and do the rest.”  
“Good plan.” There was a brief silence as we both thought. Then Bell came back on. “Keep thinking on where the acid fog could be in here. I’m going to have to go off com while trying to find a way into the dorm. It crawling with guards.”  
“So constantly communicating wouldn’t be safe. I’ve got you. Let’s go back to check ins then. At least until you find a way into the dorm.” I didn’t like the idea of going back to check ins but for Bellamy’s safety and his cover I understood why.  
“I’ll check in every hour. And I’ll keep the mobile unit on me.” Bellamy did his best to calm my nerves but ever since hearing someone in that mountain was dead I have been nothing but nerves.   
“Okay.” I agreed reluctantly. “One hour.”  
“One hour.” He confirmed. Then the radio went quiet. I had an hour to kill. I looked around the shop again for parts for tone generators. Nothing. I looked at the list of possible chemicals used in the fog and couldn’t come up with anything else. I looked at the dam, once again reaching the conclusion that I needed an engineer’s opinion. Frustrated I bounce between those three things until finally Bellamy came back over the radio.  
“I’ve got news.” He said, sounding short of breath.   
“Good or bad?”   
“A bit of both. I was able to get into the dorms and I told Jasper what we over heard in the lab. I gave him my gun. He’ll keep the rest of them safe. At least for now.” Hearing Jasper was still alive made me feel better; I don’t know what I would do without his goofy smile and playful demeanor around camp.  
“So what’s the bad news?” I was afraid to ask.  
“They took Jessica. Hopefully we can get to the lab before…” His voice trailed off. “Oh, and I know how to keep our friends safe for a while.” Bellamy said after a pregnant pause.  
“What? Why didn’t you lead with that? How?”  
“I’m heading that way now. The President told me how to open get to the air filtration system. If I can get to it and reverse it on level 5, our friends will be safe for at least a few hours. where His son overthrew him, that’s why things changed in her so quickly.” He gave me a brief overview of his conversation with the old President and then he set off.  
“Talk to me, what do you see?” I was determined to get this done so we could start on the fog.  
“Close your eyes, imagine a bottomless pit.” I could tell Bellamy was growing tired. We both were. I had slept since returning from Tondc and I don’t think he has either.   
“Stick with it.” I tried to motivate him. “According to Dante’s coordinates, you’re almost there.”   
“What’s happening on your end?” Bellamy asked, clearly needing a distraction. “Did they evacuate Tondc?”  
“Don’t know yet. But it’s Clarke. She’ll get it done. Just concentrate on squeezing our ass through the vents and stop worrying about your sister.” I second I said it I knew I fucked up.  
“Octavia’s in Tondc.” Bellamy realized what my slip meant. “She’s there?...Raven.” I hated hearing the pain in his voice.  
“She’s gonna be okay. Clarke fired out of here. She’s gonna get there on time.”  
“How could you keep this from me?” Shit. He was hurt and after all he had done for me. I felt awful.  
“Clarke was trying to protect you.” He scoffed. Like me he didn’t want protection. Like me he wanted to protect those he cared about. “Listen,” I said switching gears, “you still have a job to do. I know you’re worried about Octavia but you have to focus.” There was silence.  
“Let’s just get this done.” Bellamy said finally. After that we were done chatting. He only radioed once he got to the filter. “Now what?”  
“You got pull the outside air in to reverse the air-filtration system.” Bellamy had told me word for word that the president said but I was still just guessing on what to do in order to radiate level 5.  
“Just tell me how we know if it’s even working.” Bellamy said, still kind of pissed at me. Then we heard a buzzer and warning go off. We did it.   
“I’d say it’s working.” I said lightly.  
“Thank you, Mr. President.” Bellamy said just as lightly back. We did it! Now on to the fog.


	8. Chapter 8

Bellamy was about to switch the air filtration so our friends were save. At least for now. Bellamy and Maya wanted to make sure the dorm was secure and that those within it were armed before Bellamy moved on to the acid fog. We decided to go back to hourly check ins but we had to keep them brief. Each hour he could radio in and we’d go over the same information. Are you okay? Are our friends still alive? Any update on the fog? The answers were always the same: yes, yes, not yet. I knew Bellamy was going to be focused on the dorm for a while, as he should be, and that meant I had to crack this fog thing on my end. But I was at a dead end. I needed more information or more knowledge of chemistry.   
As most of the camp was waiting with the Grounders to attack the Mountain, there weren’t any other jobs I could work on. I couldn’t even work on tone generators. Wick has found all the parts we could use and while I was on the radio with Bellamy, Wick was about to make about six more. It’s not great but that’s all we could do. Wick was now running those tone generators he just finished to Clarke so she can give them to whoever is going through the tunnels.   
So I just sat, staring at my notes about the fog, waiting for Bellamy to check in. I tried taking naps but it didn’t work. I was too anxious to sleep. I reexamined the dam. One way to save our friends would be to just blow the power turbines in the dam, cutting off Mount Weather’s power but that would kill everyone inside who wasn’t born in space. Back to fog. If only I knew what their dispersal system looked like. I’d feel much more confident walking Bellamy through how to disable a machine than how to neutralize an unknown makeup of chemicals. Frustrated I tried going at the fog from a different angle. I have no idea what the fog is made up of but I could start figuring out what it is not. But soon that lead to a dead end as well. At least Bellamy would be checking in soon. During the last check in he filled me in that some people in the mountain were going to hide our friends in their rooms. I didn’t like the idea of splitting up the group but Bellamy knew it was the only way to ensure they are safe while we take down the acid fog. Once everyone is safely hidden Bellamy is back on the fog. Any minute now he will radio in and be able to tell me more about this damn fog. Five minutes passed and nothing. 5 more, nothing. He had never been this late for check in before and I felt the anxious pit in my stomach grow. If I radioed him I might blow his cover. But if his cover is already blown and he has no way to reach me then we are fucked. But that’s not the case, I told myself. He’s probably getting to a safe spot to check in or is helping to move our friends. Another five minutes pass and nothing from Bellamy. I tell myself that if he doesn’t radio within the next ten minutes I was going to risk it and check on him. Ten minutes pass.  
“Bellamy,” I barked into the radio, afraid of what reaching out might mean for his cover, “come in.”  
“Yeah, I’m a little busy here, Raven.” Thank god he’s alive.   
“You missed check in.” I wasn’t gonna waste time lecturing him but I did want to remind him that he has to check in otherwise I will lose my mind. “Did you find the source of the acid fog yet?” I asked, returning to business.  
“I’m making my way there now.” Bellamy said, clearly walking with a purpose. I guess one of the people helping hide our friends must have told Bellamy how to get to the fog. “It’s taking longer than I thought.” That must’ve been why he missed check in.  
“I don’t know enough to crack it on this end.” I admitted. “You gotta give me something.”  
“I’m working on it.” Any small piece of information that Bellamy could give me would help me crack it. We were getting close. I felt like we were on the verge of a breakthrough. “Something’s wrong.” Maybe not.  
“What?”  
“My key card isn’t working.” Shit. “I need to find another way in. I’ll call you back.” Then Bell’s line went quiet. If his kay card wasn’t working that meant his cover was probably blown. Scheduled check ins would no longer work. Now he would message in when it was safe to.  
This hiccup force me to come to terms with myself and this acid fog. If Bellamy has been discovered any time we might have bought ourselves by hiding our friends was now gone; Bellamy needed that time to shake the guards. So I am back to having to crack this on my end. Only I can’t. Just then Sinclair walked into the shop to grab some last minute things before heading out to join the army.  
“How’s it going Reyes? Bellamy still doing okay in there?” Sinclair asked as he came to examine the board that had all my chemical fog notes on it.  
“Just got off the radio with him. Seems like he’s in trouble but he’ll figure it out.”   
“I’m sure he will.” Sinclair looked me over for a moment. “And you’ll figure this out too.” He said gesturing to my board. I nodded. I wasn’t so sure I could do this on my own.  
“Sinclair?” I swallowed my pride, not believing what I was about to say. “Can you send Wick in to help me on this? When you see him.” Sinclair smiled. He was always pushing me to be more collaborative and while I know he’s right, it’s hard for me to play nice with others.  
“Sure Reyes. I’ll send him right in.” And with that my mentor went to join the army. While Bellamy was trying to stay alive in that mountain, the acid fog needed to be cracked on this end; at this point it doesn’t matter who cracks it. It just needs to get done.   
“I’ve been summoned.” Wick said dryly was he came into the shop. “Really?”  
“Yeah, thanks.” I had started to set up a basic lab set up so we could maybe test chemicals and eliminate what the acid fog was not made of. Because of all the dead ends I had to approach this as a process of elimination now. So I started firing all of the information at Wick. “I need your help on this acid fog deal. Bellamy will radio again when he gets eyes on their dispersal system but I want to talk it through first. I think,” I finally looked at him and saw he was chuckling, “what’s funny?”  
“Oh come on. It’s a banner day. You gotta see that.” Wick teased. “Raven Reyes asking for help. That’s one for the history books.” We didn’t have time for him to gloat.  
“Never mind. I’ll do it on my own.” I said, feeling my jaw clench. I don’t know why I let Wick get under my skin this much.  
“Hey. Joke. Humor? It’s just what I do.” Wick explained.  
“There are a thousand Grounders camped in the woods waiting to go get my friends. And they can’t move because I can’t figure this out.” I was started to get defeated.   
“Hey, no one could.” He tried to comfort me, validate my frustrations. “It’s a tough ask, not without more data.” We made eye contact and I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt like he actually cared about me, just me, and that we had a connection. I don’t know if it’s all the stress for losing Finn and Mount Weather, or if there is something genuine here. But we didn’t have time to figure that out. At least not right now.  
“Okay,” Wick said finally, breaking eye contact and looking over my notes, “so they made fog that melts people. What are we talking? Nucleation? Oh, please tell me its Brownian diffusion. I’ll have you know I was a god at fluid dynamics.”  
“You think you were a god at everything.” I scoffed at him lightly.  
“Empirical evidence doesn’t lie.” He said as he came back to the work bench. Then I felt it again, that…well as cliché as it is to say, that spark. There was no denying that there was something building between Wick and I. “Alright,” He said as he joined me behind the bench, “let’s get our stoichiometry on.”   
Wick was a good work partner. He was able to focus at the task at hand but still be light and pull me out of my doom and gloom mentality. Trying to figure out this acid fog thing was nice, fun even. I mean minus the whole friends in massive danger and will likely die if we don’t figure this out thing. But other than that, I was actually enjoying myself for the first time in god knows how long.  
Wick keeps arguing that we should walk Bellamy though how to neutralize the acid but that’s something that I struggle with so I can’t imagine Bellamy being able to do it. I tried to make a case for disabling the machine. I know I could walk Bellamy through how to do that, no problem. But until he radios back I have no information to go on. So, for the time being Wick and I decided to divide and conquer; he brainstormed different possible acids and how to neutralize them while I tried to envision the machine and possible ways to disable it. As we work on our own project, we’d pick each other’s brains whenever we got stuck or when we thought we were close to a break through. All, or course, while still feeling whatever this thing between us is, this spark building. Finally, Bellamy radioed. Now Wick and I will actually be able to work instead of just speculating.   
“Come in Raven.” Bellamy’s voice finally come through. “I made it. I hope you have a plan.”  
“We’re still working on it.” I admitted. Wick had come over to the radio. It was hard not to notice the heat coming off of him as he stood close to me. “Give us something to go on. What do you see?” I hoped Bellamy would notice something useful for us.  
“A huge steel vat, looks like a submarine. Some other tanks with chemical formulas. Warning labels. A bunch of pipes going into the wall. A monitor.” Suddenly Wick grabbed my hand and pulled the mouth piece over to him.  
“Oh, go to the monitor.” He said suddenly.  
“Hello to you too.” Bellamy responded as he made his way to the screen.  
“Don’t mind Wick,” I said yanking my hand back, “He’s not really helping.” But Wick grabbed my hand again to speak to Bellamy.  
“Hey, Bellamy. How’s my boy Monty doing?” He asked. This was probably the most vulnerable I’d seen Wick. Of course he’d be worried about Monty. It hadn’t even dawned on me that he would have friends in that mountain too.  
“Fine, but I don’t know for how long.” I assumed that meant the others were safe for now too.  
“Great.” Wick spoke into the radio, his wall going back up. “Pleasantries over. Listen, if that monitor is a control panel, we could use it to kill this thing.” Wick was right. He told Bellamy to look for a pH scale but Bellamy quickly grew frustrated.  
“Look, can I just blow this thing?” He sighed, looking for the quick solution. I was able to tell him how bad of an idea that was when Wick grabbed my hand again.  
“No, they’ll know their defenses are down and send a tech to fix it or reroute it or pull out some other weapon we don’t even know about.”  
“Plus,” I said once again yanking my hand back, “you’d probably melt your face off.” I heard Bellamy sigh in frustration and I totally agreed with that frustration. This was going to take a while. “Look, you know I like a good explosion but we gotta think our way through this one. We can do this.” I looked to Wick to confirm he’d help until the end; he nodded and off we went.  
Deciding he’d have more experience with this kind of thing, I handed the radio over to Wick and pulled up chairs for us at the radio. This was going to take a while. Wick had Bellamy go through all the commands on the panel, trying to find one that we can use. At one point, I asked Bellamy if he saw an actuator in there, still thinking it might be easier to disable the machine. But Bellamy had no idea what I was talking about. Wick and I were both growing frustrated with Bellamy. He was doing his best but if Wick or Monty or even Jasper were on the other side of the radio I bet we would’ve had this figured out by now.   
Finally we found a menu that could be useful; maintenance and cleaning. Of course! Tanks that old they would have to be cleaned in order to avoid corrosion. I told Wick and he then guided Bellamy through the menu; he was able to guide Bellamy to a bath that would neutralize the acid. Bellamy followed Wick’s instructions  
“Passivation successful.” I could clearly hear the Bellamy was smiling on his end of the radio. It worked! We did it! Overcome with joy, Wick and I hugged each other and the heat between us became too much. We were about to kiss when Bellamy’s voice brought us back to reality.   
“Alright. Send the flare.” Needing air (both to walk off whatever just happened with Wick and to get out of the shop for the first time in days) I picked up the flare gun and made my way to the gate. We did it. We were actually going to pull this off.   
After I fired the gun into the air and saw the confirmation flare from the woods, I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time. Without thinking I made my way back to the shop and made a bee line for Wick.  
“When I said let’s get our stoichiometry on, not what I meant-” I cut him off with a kiss, pulling his body as close to mine as possible. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I needed this, needed him, right now. He started kissing back. That heat or spark or whatever it was was growing. Suddenly he broke the kiss.  
“Uh, it’s probably a bad idea.” He was probably right but I didn’t care.  
“We’re going to war. Stop talking.” I pulled him down into another kiss, running my fingers through his hair. Wick, abandoning his ‘this is a bad idea’ thought lifted my off my feet and placed me on the edge of the work bench as he kissed his way down my neck. He pushed schematics and cups and tools off the surface as we both ripped our shirts off. Once he was free of his we resumed kissing. Our kisses were becoming deeper, more passionate as he ran his hands over my body.   
His wandering hands stopped at my brace and suddenly the heat subsided between us. I hadn’t been intimate with anyone since being shot. I was physically broken and who would want to be with that?  
“I’m just saying,” Wick panted as he found the clasps on the brace, “The brace I made would have been easier to take off.” He smiled and I knew that he didn’t care about my leg and I couldn’t help by smile back.  
“That brace was tragic.” I teased as I took out my ponytail. The heat was back. “What did I say about talking, Wick?”   
“I think you can call me Kyle.” He said as he unhooked my bra. He started kissing me again, laying me down on the work bench and getting on top. It felt so nice to be this close to someone again. His hands continued to explore my body while mine explored his. He started grinding against me, clearly feeling how turned on he was. We broke our kiss once in order to finish stripping but then we were back at it. Wick was amazing. He seemed to know how I needed it and he was more than happy to oblige. He was going hard and fast, just like I like it. He started kissing my neck and I could feel myself coming to losing it. I turned my head, trying to give him better access to a spot on my neck that really got me going when I saw them. There, perched on my toolbox were Jasper’s goggles. For as wound up I’ve been over the past few day and how much of a spark was between Wick and I, all of the seemed to vanish when I saw those goggles and thought of their owner. We’ve all have each other now, right?   
How could I be doing this? Jasper is locked away, fighting for his life while I’m having sex with Wick on a table. I can’t believe I let myself get distracted. What if Bellamy radios back because they were able to fix the acid fog? What if they pull up that unknown weapon Wick mentioned? I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty as I looked at those goggles. If the roles were reversed, Jasper would be doing everything in his power to get to me, to save me. I should do the same.  
Once we were done, Wick tried to cuddle with me but I wasn’t really the cuddling type. And I really wasn’t in the mood as Jasper’s goggles were still staring at me. I started to get dressed and I felt Wick watching me.  
“Hey.” He said in what I assume was his sexy voice. He was trying to convince me to come back to our make-shift bed.  
“We have to meet the strike team.” I said flatly as I continued to dress.  
“You kind of shut down on me there. What’s up?” I wasn’t about to tell Wick the reason I shut down was Jasper. Wick wasn’t the issue, he was great. It was just the timing of it all.   
“What? Nothing.” I tried deflecting but it didn’t work.  
“Right,” He sighed, “this was too much.” I guess he thought I shut down because of Finn…if he only knew. “Look, if you want to do this, I’m in. But I’m not gonna play games. So, figure it out.” I couldn’t figure it out. Not at least until Jasper and the rest of our people were back.  
“We have a war to win.” I said coldly as I adjusted my brace. I heard Wick sigh behind me as he started to get dressed. While he dressed, I packed my bag, grabbing everything I would need for when we meet the strike team. Making sure the Wick’s back was to me, I grabbed Jasper’s goggles and once again put them safely into my bag. We’ve all have each other now, right? We do Jasper. And I’m coming to get you out of there.


	9. Chapter 9

As I was packing my bag Sinclair came into the shop. Luckily Wick was completely dressed but this point; I don’t think I could handle my boss lecturing me about sex in the work place. I’m already embarrassed and that embarrassment would only grow if my boss caught us.   
“Wick, Reyes, come over here. I need to go over the strike plan with you.” Sinclair called us over to his desk. He had been sitting in on all the strategy meetings to see if we need any last-minute bombs. We did. “There will be 4 strike teams,” Sinclair began as he unrolled a map of Mount Weather, “you two will be in the team at the dam. We need to blow their power in order-”  
“Won’t blowing the dam’s power kill all the people in there?” Wick asked. While trying to crack the acid fog I told him about the dam. He agreed that blowing the dam wasn’t worth it if it kills everyone in Mount Weather.   
“No, backup generator will prevent that from happening.” Sinclair explained.  
“If there’s a backup generator then why bother blowing the power at all?” I asked.  
“There’s a lag. It takes about a minute to kick on. Which will give Clarke’s team enough time to blow this.” Sinclair pointed at the big metal door that was the only visible entrance/exit to the mountain. “Reyes, get started on a bomb that can blow this thing open. Wick, you can I will start planning how you two will blow the dam.” And like that I was dismissed and quickly got the work.  
If they only had a minute to blow the door, then a remote detonation bomb wouldn’t work so I decided to make one they could shoot at from a distance; like how Jasper and I took out the bridge. I quickly gathered my materials and got to work. I was almost finished with the door bomb when Wick came over to where I was working.  
“We need five more of those for the dam.” He said coldly. “You make the bombs and I’ll start on the detonator.” I was about to say something snarky about him giving me orders but decided against it. He was clearly upset about how I acted right after sex. But like I told him, we have a war to win. I finished the bomb for Clarke and gave it to Sinclair with brief instructions to give to Clarke and he took off. Then it was just me and Wick.  
Working along side him wasn’t the same. Instead of feeling lighter I felt like there was a weight on my chest and incredibly guilty. I was guilty for momentarily forgetting about my friends in order to feel good but I was also guilty for how I treated Wick after. He deserved better. And I’m not in a place to do better so it’s time to cut my losses. I just hope we can get our old banter back. It made work so much better if he was able to tell his dumb jokes and I was able to sarcastically respond. I hated this awkwardness between us but I brought it on myself.  
With the bombs made and Wick’s detonator finished, we made our way to the dam. We had a few Grounders with us so that they could be our cover while we set up the bombs. As we made our way to the mountain, Wick explained the plan to all of us. Once the Grounders made sure the dam was clear, Wick and I would go do the rest while they covered us. I was to attach a bomb to each turbine while Wick set up the detonators; then we would all hall ass out of there and get to a rendezvous point. The other three teams would rescue our people and we could finally go home.   
We got to the dam and the Grounders were able to take out the guards extremely quickly. While my mind was a million other places it was hard not to feel grateful that there was some peace between the Grounders and us now. Finn would be happy about us working together towards the common good. Once we got the all clear Wick and I went to work. There were five turbines, five bombs, should be easy enough.  
As we worked I tried to get some of our old banter going but so far it wasn’t going anywhere.  
“Three down, two to go.” I said excitedly as we made our way to the next turbine. We were going to pull this off. “As soon as I’m done, you set the detonator.” I told him as I worked my way under the turbine.  
“I know the plan Raven. It’s my plan.” He was being short with me. But it was more than that. There was pain in his voice when he spoke to me. I didn’t think he was that invested…  
“Fine. Jeez, you can tell me a dam joke already.” I said as I worked, not being able to take this weirdness between us anymore. “Get it? ‘Dam’ joke?”   
“I got it.” He said flatly behind me. “Your jokes are terrible.” An insult. At least that’s something!  
“They are not.” I said, hoping to bait him into our usual banter.  
“They are.” He wasn’t going for it. “Now, concentrate. We don’t have all day.” Clearly Wick wanted to be done talking to me.  
“I think I liked you better before we had sex.” I tried teasing him.  
“Right back at you.” I heard the pain in his voice super clearly that time. “They can’t leave if you push them away first, right? How’s that working out for you so far?” I really fucked this up. As I kept working Wick went over to the next turbine to start our last bomb. Then we heard a woman’s voice come through on a walkie. I finished attaching the fourth bomb as quickly as I could and got out from under the turbine just in time to see a Mount Weather guard lunge for Wick.  
“Wick what out!” the guard tackled him but Wick was back on his feet in no time. The guard scrambled to get to his walkie while Wick grabbed a wrench of the wall as a way to defend himself. The guard reached his walkie and was able to announce that ‘intruders were in the dam.’ Wick then swung his wrench and bashed the guard’s skull, blood coating the inside of his haz-mat suit.  
Wick must’ve acted without thinking because he kept looking at the guard hoping that he would get up, that he was knocked out and not dead.  
“Wick, they know we’re here.” I couldn’t have him retreat into his own head, not now. “They are sending back up. We have to do this fast.” He still wasn’t responding; his breathing was becoming uneven. I took the wrench from him, “Welcome to the ground.” It was kill or be killed down here and if we didn’t move our asses, we would be next. Wick clearly needed a minute but we had to do this, “Give me that last bomb.” That snapped him out of whatever dark train of thought he was one. We both looked around and noticed the last bomb, smashed on the floor.   
“What happens if we only blow four of the five?” Wick asked, but I’m sure he already knew the answer.  
“Power stays on, door stays locked. Everyone we care about dies.” God damn it. We were so close! No, don’t break down Reyes. Think. There has to be another way to blow the last turbine. I ran over to the last turbine and opened up the control panel. There has to be something. I could feel Wick pacing behind me. I just hoped we could come up with something before the guards get here. But my mind was drawing a blank. It was completely fried.   
“Wick, stop!” he pacing was starting to become distracting.  
“I’m not doing anything.” He whined.  
“Exactly.” I barked. We were so close to getting our friends back and he was just pacing behind me was becoming distracting as well as annoying.   
“Hey, I’m not the one that didn’t make enough bombs.” He shot back.   
“Five turbine, five bombs! Maybe if you didn’t drop the last one-”  
“Any engineer worth his salt knows to plan for failure. Two is one, one is none. It’s called-”  
“Redundancy.” I didn’t need him to explain to me what it was it… “that’s it. Redundancy, that’s it!” Excited, I started yanking the surge protectors off of the turbine.   
“What is? What are you doing?” Wick leaned in to watch what I was pulling.  
“They built more turbines than they needed. We blow the other four, this one will take the load. Surge protectors will ramp it down to-”  
“To keep it from blowing up.” Wick said as he tried to stop me from pulling that last few surge protectors off.   
“Yeah, we need to shut down this turbine, Wick.” I shook him off and kept working, grinning to myself.   
“Catastrophic failure? That’s your plan?!”   
“Okay, when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound like a good idea.” We both paused for a moment.  
“I’ll set the detonators.” Wick said, jumping into action and I finished working on the last turbine. We are going to have to hall ass out of here both to avoid the guards and the explosion.   
“Today Wick!” I called out from where we thought it would be a good place to go for cover once I was finished. I wasn’t going to leave him but he needed to pick up the pace.  
“I’m moving as fast as I-” there was pounding on the doors of the turbine room; the guards were here. “Actually, I can go faster.” Then Wick came running towards me.  
“You get it done?” I called out.  
“Just push the damn button Raven.” I did, there were four distinct booms. “It’s working.” As I watched the bombs go off I realized how fucked we were.  
“We’re too close, Wick.” I pulled him to his feet. We had to put as much distance between is and that last turbine as possible.   
“Freeze! Put your hands in the air.” The guards were here, guns drawn. We both put out hands up and turned to face them but we didn’t stop moving.  
“Just keep backing up.” Wick whispered.  
“We’re still too close.” I whispered back.  
“Not as close as they are.” Then I heard the last turbine start to whirl faster and faster. I took off, Wick closely behind me. I heard the explosion and felt Wick’s body cover mine as we fell to the floor then everything went black.   
I don’t know how long I was out but when I came to I saw Wick who was in rough shape. I can only assume I looked the same. There was rubble all around us.   
“Raven?” Wick had crawled over to me. I tried to move but there was a shooting pain up my left leg. My brace was blown to bits and my hip felt like it was on fire. That coupled with my general achiness forced me to lay back down. “I’m just saying,” Wick labored, “my brace would’ve held.” That was the Wick I wanted to work with, to be with. I know I hurt him earlier but if he’s able to joke about my brace still, maybe we have a shot.  
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Wick made his way to pick me up but we both groaned as he tried to left me. He was injured too, his arm. He could still walk out of here, but I couldn’t.  
“Kyle-”  
“No, no way. Don’t even say it. I’m not going anywhere without you.”   
“What I was going to say is please don’t leave me.” I meant both here and now but also with us. I know I have some shit I need to work on and that he doesn’t want to play games. But if he could just wait for me for a little bit, we could have a real shot at this.  
“Not a chance.” Wick said as he took me into his arms the best he could. We sat there, clinging to each other in the rubble until more guards showed up.   
After seeing the damaged we caused to the dam, I half expected the guards to shoot Wick and I in the head. But they didn’t. Instead they pulled Wick and I apart and took us into the mountain.   
As they pulled me away from Wick, he lashed out and swung at the guards, trying to get back to me. I struggled against the guard that was now carrying me but once I saw Wick get butt in the head with the back of a gun, I stopped struggling. Wick was now unconscious but if I could keep my eyes open then maybe when he comes to we will be able to make out way back to the dam and find a way to get out from there. But the guards were one stop ahead of us; they placed a black bag over Wick’s head and then mine. I had no idea where we were going or how to get out of there but I had to come up with a plan. Trying to come up with an escape plan is difficult, though, when I have this shooting pain in my hip and down my leg. If they were going to kill us, I hope they just do it quickly. I don’t think I could take any more pain than what I am experiencing now.  
Then I heard the drill and a heart wrenching scream. Of course they weren’t going to kill us quickly. They were going to drill into us one by one until we died for our bone marrow. As the drilling and cries of pain grew louder I also heard a few people sobbing, others trying to talk in order to save whoever was currenly being drilled into. I then felt my feet touch the ground and the guard roughly pushing my back against a wall and yanking my arms above my head. I then felt the cool, hard metal of handcuffs encircle one of my wrists. Then the other one. Then the bag came off and I saw the true horror of Mount Weather.  
Chained to the wall just like me were the friends I had spent weeks trying to get back, trying to save. We were lining the walls, forced to look at the operating tables in the middle of the room where person after person was being strapped down and drill into until they were dead. I did a quick scan and saw the both Monty and Jasper were missing and I could feel myself being to hyperventilate. What if they’re already dead? No, they can’t be. Focus Reyes, how can you get out of here.   
Next to me Wick finally came too. He took in the gruesome scene then looked to me to see if I was alright considering the situation. Either of us felt like it was a good idea to talk. There were guards and med techs all over. But we were both trying to think of some way out of here. But it was impossible to think as I watched my friends get strapped into the table, hear them scream and cry and beg for their life, until finally they couldn’t anymore. Then their body was taken off and a different terrified friend would be unchained and put on the table for the cycle to repeat. It was enough to make you want to break. I looked around, trying to find a way to get out of these cuffs when across the room I had eye contact with Harper. Her face was soaked with tears; she must’ve seen each person who’s been strapped to that table die before her eyes. She was incredibly strong but watching that, your friends die one by one, that is a kind of torture that I know I couldn’t endure. I felt my jaw set. We’ll figure this out. We are going to make it out of here. I saw a similar determination set in on Harper as she nodded. Alright Reyes, think!  
Then Emerson and the President came in with prisoner, all wearing bags over their heads. One by one they took off the bag; Monroe, Sergeant Miller, Kane, and Abby. Seeing both Kane and Abby on their knees with arms cuffed behind them halted whatever plan was forming in my brain. If they were in here that means out best hope of getting out is with Clarke. Whoever they had on the table had stopped screaming, had passed out from the pain. It wouldn’t be long until he was gone and they put another one of us on the table. I gotta find I way out of here. If only-  
“Her.” A Guard stopped in front of me. “She’s next.” Find a way out. Think. You can go this.  
“No, no. Take me.” Wick was yelling out beside me. “Don’t touch her!” Wick started kicking at the guards as I was being uncuffed. Once one of my hands was free a struggled against the guards. If I could just make a run for it and find Clarke, help her get everyone out of here. I was almost free when I felt the shock baton zap my side. I lost my balance. Another shock and I was being led over to the table. I could still hear Wick struggling to get to me, to save me.   
As they strapped me in just laid there, trying to think of a way out. My legs were secure and as one guard started on my arms, the other went to adjust the head strap. I still had one hand free. I waited until he was close then I attacked; I bit into his face as hard as I could and pushed him off of me. I then tried to get my other arm free but another shock baton to the stomach, right over where Indra cut me, stopped whatever progress I had made on getting free. Soon there were guards and doctors holding me down, still shocking me to make sure I didn’t try anything else. As they tighten the last strap I knew I was done. My plan had been to get free and I missed my only opportunity to do so. I just had to endure long enough for Clarke and Bellamy to come through. They had too.   
I felt a doctor rip open the fabric of one of my pant legs open and the drill start. I tried to brace myself. I wasn’t going to give this sadistic pricks the satisfaction of me screaming. I wasn’t going to subject everyone I care about to hear me be tortured. I had to endure. I felt the bit break my skin, tears well up in my eyes, warm blood start to trickle down my leg then the drill hit bone. I saw starts is hurt so back. I felt my entire body rattle as the drill kept going. All my nerves were oversensitive and felt every little twist and prod of the doctor’s drill. It was agony and I was able to ensure; I screamed. I screamed so loud my throat began to hurt but it was the only thing that offered any sense of relief. There was no time; the only thing I was aware of now was pain. Eventually I stopped screaming not because I’d grown used to it, but I voice wouldn’t allow it anymore. So, I lay there, crying, hoping that this will end some way or other. I feel myself getting close to passing out when I hear someone order to take me off the table and put someone else on. Then I feel my restrains loosen and then I am handcuffed against the wall again.   
Without the drill and the persistent pain it creates I could feel my mind start to clear and I came to. When I was finally able to left my head up I saw who replaced me on the table; Abby. Without Abby, our people would be lost. Kane was trying to negotiate with their President but it seemed to be going nowhere.   
Then one of the doors opened and a guard brought in another one of us. Jasper. He was alive and looked unharmed and I couldn’t help be feel relieved. Despite being caught he seemed calm. My eyes followed him as the guard led him over to the wall and cuffed him. His back was to me so I was able to see his shoulders were set; he had a plan. He was going to get us out of here. The guard walked away and Jasper glanced around him, stepping away from the wall. He had a knife and set his sights on the President. He was walking close.  
Then an alarm went off, all the guards began coughing and dropped to their knees as sores began to form on their bodies. Radiation. Jasper dropped his knife and ran out of the room. A bunch of people called out to him to get us out but he was gone. After a few awkward moments Octavia burst into the room, got the keys from the dying guards, and began unlocking us all. Once Wick was freed he rushed to my side and unlocked me. Weak from both the explosion and the bone marrow extraction, I fell into his arms. He held me tightly, kissing my forehead.  
“I thought I lost you.” He said softly as he stroked my hair. After he held me for a few more minutes he sat me gently on the ground and went to go track down our packs and a blanket for me.   
I sat with my back against the wall and took it all in. I couldn’t believe I was alive. I did it, I’ll make it out of this place alive. Smiling I looked around and noticed the door leading out of this room was open. I leaned over to peek in and saw an eloquent dining room; there were bodies of the people who lived in Mount Weather scattered all around the room but the one form I immediately noticed was Jasper’s. He was kneeling on the floor, a body in his lap (Maya’s I assume). He was sobbing. I could see his heart break from here. He looked exactly like I felt after Finn…  
I felt my throat swell up. I had to get to him. To hold him while he broke down as Bellamy had for me. I tried to stand by my body wouldn’t let me. Between my broken brace, my screaming hip, and my drilling into thigh, there was no way I was going to make it to Jasper.   
“Here you are Reyes.” Wick said lightly as he draped a blanket around my shoulders.   
“Thanks.” I wrapped it tighter around me and watch Wick sink down next to me. “You okay?”   
“Me? I’m great.” He lightly kissed me on the cheek and put his arm around me, pull me closer to him. I looked back into the dining room and saw Jasper was no longer there. “You ready to go home?” He asked as he got to his feet. I nodded. He handed me my bag and I remembered. I dug into it, panicked that they had been lost on the hike up here or during the explosion at the dam but then my fingers once again hit smooth plastic and I pulled them out: Jasper’s goggles. I put them around my arm, adjusted my blanket and got to my feet with Wick’s help. Once everyone had their things we made our way home.   
It was a long walk and Wick had to carry me for most of it but he didn’t seem to mind. I kept looking for Jasper in the sea of people so I could comfort him but it wasn’t until get out to the gate that I finally saw him.   
“Wait,” I tell Wick was still carrying me. He stops next to Jasper. “Jasper, I almost forgot.” I unhook his goggles from my arm and hold them out to him.  
“My goggles.” His voice is thick with grief. He looks at the goggles for a while then looks up at me, but doesn’t make eye contact. “Thank you.” He chokes out. I nod, wanting to give him something more but he rushes off before I am able to. Wick and I watch him go.  
“You okay?” Wick asks me softly.   
“I will be. We all will be, I think.” I look up and Wick and smile sadly; there is no way we went through all of that not to come out the other side better. Right?


	10. Chapter 10

Wick carries me through camp and straight to medical. Once I get onto a bed, he runs our stuff to our rooms and the shop. Since Abby was also bed ridden for the time being, Jackson had to do most of the medical work on his own. Luckily no one was on death’s doorstep so they started treating those who were in Mount Weather first and slowly Jackson and eventually Abby made their way to check in on me. Most people were treated for wounds and set on their way. Those of us that had bone marrow extraction (Abby and Harper being the only other two to have survived) were told to stay a few nights so we could get our strength back. Most people would have loved an excuse to take a few days and do nothing but lay in bed but I was not one of those people. I had to be working on or towards something otherwise I’d go crazy. But, doctor’s orders, I was to stay put. And. Because of my leg, I got to stay in medical for an extra week. The explosion at the dam had really exacerbated the damage already done to my leg so there was a week of test on my leg, my hip, my spine. Abby and Jackson would have weird half conversations about me and possible cures; they both were on the same page but I was in the dark half the time.  
Luckily I had a lot of visitors. Monty came by daily, though I think it was to see Harper and not me, but as we were sharing a room in medical I got to chat with him almost daily while Harper was in medical with me. I could tell something was bothering him but I never had a chance to ask him what was up. Wick was hovering and I didn’t think Monty would disclose what was going on to Wick. Monty views him as a big brother/mentor and I don’t think Monty wanting Wick to see him upset or bothered by something. I got that. Wick is so easy going and doesn’t take much seriously and at times he can make you feel stupid for caring about things. Hopefully whatever was bothering Monty would resolve itself soon. Or if Wick would leave long enough for me to check in with Monty.   
Bellamy also came by a lot. He mainly filled me in on what was going on around camp. Kane had stepped into lead while Abby healed and treated others. Apparently, they were starting to plan how to search for the other Ark stations; now that Mount Weather is no longer ramming us we should be able to find them no problem.   
“Sinclair thinks that he might be able to find enough parts both from our own stores and from the Grounders to build a few rovers.” Bell was telling Wick and I one afternoon.  
“Are you serious?!” I exclaimed as I sat up and out of my pillow nest. I was itching to get out of this bed and the idea of building vehicles from scratch was enough to make me rip the IV out of my arm and go straight to the shop.   
“Calm down, Reyes,” Wick said, trying to ease me back into bed, “You are supposed to be resting.” Once he got me back down he gently kissed my forehead and stroked my hair. “And I don’t think Abby would appreciate you getting her patience all worked up.” Wick shot at Bellamy, but Bell just laughed it off.  
“Well I don’t want to be on the Chancellor’s bad side,” he said, chuckling as he got up to leave, “I just thought if Raven had something to look forward to she’d recover faster.” Wick looked like he wanted to disagree but Bellamy was already gone.  
“You don’t have to do that you know.” I told Wick plainly.  
“Do what?” he was still playing with my hair.  
“Treat me like I’m fragile, like everything is going to make or break my recovery. I’m fine.”  
“Oh, yeah, says the girl in a hospital bed.” Wick chuckled as he leaned down to kiss me. I hated when he did this; any time I tried to tell him what I was feeling, he would just brush it off and kiss me as a way to get out of whatever we were talking about. I was about to point this out to him when Jackson came in and kicked Wick out as visiting hours were over. As annoying as Wick was being I know that he is only acting like this because he cares. I hoped that his over protectiveness of me was only because I was still in medical and once I was released he would let up a bit. But it didn’t.  
I’m sure other girls would’ve swooned at Wick waiting on them hand and foot but I resented it. Part of me thought his was just how Wick did relationships but I larger part of me felt like he was only acting like this because of my leg. In order to get out of that damn bed I had to lay to Abby about my pain level. I told her that the pain was gone but it wasn’t; there was a dull pain in my hip whenever I moved to quickly or after being on my feet for a long time but it was a manageable pain. Besides, if I had to spent one more day in that bed I was going to have lost my mind.   
So, I was lying to my doctor and trying to avoid my boyfriend. Things weren’t all bad though. Work was wonderful. Wick was with other people from Engineering to build and design camp (which had been renamed Arkadia) in order to accommodate the other survivors once we found them. This meant Sinclair and I had started to brainstorm how to make a rover in peace. The higher ups wanted it to be armored so if we ran into hostile Grounders while looking for the other Ark survivors we would be able to get out alive.   
Over the next few weeks I fell into a routine for the first time since being on the ground. Wick would show up at my door every morning and we’d walk to breakfast. Then he would either take me to medical for my weekly check in with Abby or he would walk me to work, reminding me I had my check in in x amount of days. Then I’d be able to lose myself into work for a while (we were starting construction any day now) and at lunch Wick would come back to the shop and take me to the mess, and walk me back to work. Most nights I worked through dinner, much to Wick’s annoyance, but I was so close to getting to actually build the thing I had been planning out for weeks, I could almost smell the grease. Some nights he would eat really fast and come hang out in the shop with me while I work. Those nights were the best because we would fall back into our old pattern, the one that first attracted me to him, and it was nice. Until I needed something on a high shelf or had to get something from across the shop; then it was back to him treating me like I was going to break at any second. He does it because he cares I kept telling myself but it was still annoying.   
One night, when I had decided to work through dinner again, Wick brought food to me. I thanked him as he set it down in front of me but didn’t touch it as I continued working.   
“Come on, Reyes,” He said jokingly as he began to eat his own dinner, “you’re never gonna heal if you don’t keep your strength up.” I don’t know what finally did it, if it was the fact that he had interrupted me when I was on the brink of a breakthrough or if it was the fact that he was hovering again or if it was because he was implying that I couldn’t take care of myself on my own, but something in me finally snapped.  
“I don’t remember asking for your medical advice.” I said, trying to stay calm.   
“Don’t be like that.” He said softly as he moved to sit next to me. He could tell I was pissed.  
“Be like what?” I said as I subtlety tried to shift away from him.   
“You keep trying to block me out. You don’t have to do this on your own, you know?”   
“Yeah, I know.” He moved closer and put his arm around me, pulling my close to him.  
“We just need to make sure you’re healthy so your leg can recover.” He swept the hair off of my face and kissed my cheek.  
“We?” I tried to pull away from him but he was now kissing down my neck, his arms holding me even closer to him. “Kyle, stop.” He pulled back, concern in his eyes.  
“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?”  
“No.”  
“Than what is it?” I could tell he was getting frustrated with me. He sighed. “Raven, we haven’t had sex since Mount Weather.”  
“So?” I really didn’t want to have this conversation. We hadn’t had sex about my hip hurts to much whenever we try and I can’t tell Wick that because he will treat me even more fragilely and then tell Abby and I don’t want either of those things to happen.   
“So, I told you I wasn’t gonna play games and this is starting to feel like one.” He said bluntly. “I want you, Raven. But I don’t feel like you don’t want me.”  
“It’s hard to want someone who treats me more like a patient than a girlfriend.” The second the words are out of my mouth I want to take them back but the damage is done.  
“So it’s now a crime for me to want my girlfriend to get better?” He got up abruptly and began to pace.   
“No. But I feel like you won’t let me do anything on my own.”  
“It’s because you don’t have to.”  
“But what if I want to?” I could feel heat rising in my face, and my voice rising with it. I tried to calm down. “What if I want to walk to lunch alone or want to work on a project without you bringing me all the tools I need?” I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible.  
“I just don’t want you to get hurt again. I want to protect you.” He said gently as he returned to his seat beside me. I could tell he was going to try and kiss this argument away just like he did with all the other ones but I wasn’t having it.   
“I don’t need protection.” I got up and tried to put some space between us. “That’s not your job. You can’t protect me from everything.”   
“Then what is my job?” He said angrily as he got up too.  
“Just be there for me.”   
“And haven’t I done that?” His voice now rising.  
“Yes, but to the point where I feel like I can’t do anything for myself anymore because you won’t let me!” I practically shouted at him.  
“So let me get this straight; you’re mad that I do things for you because I want to see you get better but you also want me to be there for you?”  
“That’s not the issue and you know it. You’re over protective and clinging and I feel like I’m suffocating.”  
“Wow…okay. If-if that’s how you really feel then I guess we’re done.” He started to walk to the door.   
“Kyle. Kyle!” I called after him but he was gone. I thought about going after him but decided not to. I thought about going to my room but if Wick wanted to talk later that would be the first place he would go, followed by the shop. If we talked, we would just argue in circles until he kissed the problem away. But I didn’t want it kissed away. I didn’t even want it solved; I hadn’t been single since I was 14 so maybe it would be best to just end things with Wick now and take time to just be on my own.   
Whatever breakthrough I was about to make was gone for the day so I cleaned up and thought about where I could go were Wick wouldn’t find me. It was a decent night out so I went to Raven’s gate; it was secluded, not many people knew about it, and it was named after me. And after a month of being treated as if I might break if the wind blew too hard, I needed a reminder of how not fragile I was. The fact that my little circle of delinquent friends had named the section of the fence that they sneak out of after me reminded me how strong I was. I had broken every rule both getting down here and surviving down here and you couldn’t do that unless you were strong.  
I got to the spot, gently sat on the grass with my back against the building and closed my eyes. For the first time in a very long time I felt like I could just breath. No Grounders at the gate, no friends’ body parts being harvested, no hovering boyfriend or doctor. I could finally just be. My solitude was short lived, however, when Jasper poked his head around the corner.  
“Damn.” He said under his breath once he saw me and he turned to walk away, looking at his feet.  
“What was that?” I could feel a small smile forming on my lips. I had missed Jasper so much and now I finally see him and his first thought is “damn.”  
“Sorry. It’s just I wanted to be…” his voice trailed off as he continued to look at the ground. He knew he was still hurting with everything that happened at Mount Weather and he probably wanted to be alone, I felt like that’s what he was trying to say but couldn’t. I took the hint and started to get up. I must’ve moved too quickly because there was a shooting pain up my leg and I winced as I sunk back to the ground. My wincing caused Jasper to look at me instead of his feet. “I didn’t mean you had to…sorry.” He said awkwardly as he sat down next to me. I guess this was his invitation to stay.  
“It’s alright.” I lied but he didn’t seem to mind. I could smell he had been drinking. The gossip around camp was Jasper was turning into a useless drunk. But I didn’t see that. He was in guard training, hence the haircut, and was trying to survive just like the rest of us. We sat there silently for a while and I could feel that he was watching me, studying my face. “Looks like you could use a drink there Reyes.” He said dryly, offering me his flask. I normally didn’t like drinking because of my mother but I took the flask away.  
“Thanks.” I said as I took a small sip then handed it back to him. There was something different about Jasper; Mount Weather had drastically changed him and I don’t know if the goofy chemist from Unity Day was ever going to come back or not.  
“So where’s Wick?” Jasper asked after another bout of silence.   
“Broke up.” I said simply, taking the flask again. I didn’t want to bother anyone with the details of my break up, let alone Jasper who has been through enough relationship wise. It’s awful to watch your first love die and its especially awful if you know the person responsible for their death.   
“Why? Afraid Clarke will kill him too?” Jasper was on the same train of thought I was and in spite of myself I laughed a Jasper’s dark joke.   
“She’d have to come back to camp first but yeah, something like that.” I handed the flask back to him and we made eye contact for the first time in months. If anyone knew what Jasper was going through I was me. The parallels between how Maya and Finn died are eerie. I know exactly how he feels right now; looking into his eyes I can see my own pain over Finn reflected back at me. I wanted to say something, anything, to make Jasper feel better, to keep our eyes connected but I couldn’t come up with something fast enough. Soon, Jasper just returned to looking at the ground.   
“Did Wick help?” he asked softly after a long silence. “Did being with someone else help you move on?”   
“No.” I told him honestly. Jasper was just looking for a way to ease his pain and I didn’t want him to do what I did to ease mine; my way has created more pain in the long run I think.   
“Does anything help?” he asked even quieter. For as tall as he was he looked small with his knees draw up to his chest, head hanging long and still looking at the ground.  
“Staying busy helps me.” I said gently as I placed my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around him as he nods at what I just said. He didn’t acknowledge my touch one way or the other but I wanted to stay with him like this for a while. Even though we were both hurting it was nice to just been together. Wick would never let me just be; he was always trying to solve my problems for me. Finn would try to solve my problems with me, which was better but… Jasper wasn’t going to try and solve my problems and I wasn’t going to try and solve his. So, we just sat together and passed the flask back and forth, each trapped in our own thoughts. I must’ve dozed off because when I woke up Jasper’s coat was draped over my shoulders. Jasper was still next to me but he was passed out, his empty flask still in his hand. I thought about getting up and going to my room but I didn’t. Sleeping next to Jasper was the best sleep I’d gotten in months so I put my head back on his shoulder and drifted off again.   
When the sun began to rise, I woke up again. I took Jasper’s jacket off and tried to give it to him without waking him up but I winced at my leg as I stood, causing his eyes to fly open.   
“Thanks.” I said awkwardly as I handed his jacket back to him. He smiled sadly as he put it back on. He was moving slowly and squinting even in the low dawn light; he was hung over. I went to leave when I heard him call to me.  
“Raven?” his voice was thick and hoarse.  
“Yeah?”  
“Do-do you think staying busy will help me with…you know…”   
“I do.” As long as he kept his mind busy it wouldn’t go to think about Maya. That’s how I got over Finn, right? I gave Jasper a sad smile then made my way to work.  
After that night things fell into a routine. We started building the rovers, Wick and I avoided each other, I had my weekly check ins with Abby. Things were looking up. Things for Jasper even seemed to be getting better; he was done with guard training, drinking a bit less, and was added on to our patrol team. Once the rover was done Jasper, Bellamy, Miller, Monty, Octavia, Harper and I would be able to go driving and looking for other Ark station survivors. We were almost ready to go out for our first patrol when guards started bringing in supplies from Mount Weather into camp. Seeing all the art and dishes and everything was too much for Jasper and it sent him into a tail spin. Monty tried to comfort him but he couldn’t reach him. Looks like it will be a while until Jasper can join us on patrol.


End file.
